Originally Posted by Ten_year_hubby
In all seriousness, does your husband do anything right? Does he have any redeeming qualities?
Every now and then I'm asked a question that I don't have a ready answer for, and that makes me think....you managed to do it. I was away this weekend, camping with kids, but this question kept me up at night, both nights.
I sat down and started making a list. The "cons" list was an easy one -- dishonest, financially irresponsible, uninvolved, avoidant, immature, et cetera. The "pros" list stayed empty. I have racked my brain, thinking I was just too far gone with resentment to see any good qualities. So I enlisted the help of my family and friends, asked them this question. I was sure they were going to rattle off a list of things that ARE good about him that I just can't see anymore because I'm so tired of the BS and full of resentment. Ironically, none of them have been able to come up with anything, except that sometimes he is helpful to others. That, of course, doesn't help me and my kids.
I recently have been coming to terms with the fact that I am codependent and that I was enabling the behavior. The toughest part of this exercise was facing a black-and-white list of all the things that are wrong with this guy, all the things he takes from me and my kids without offering anything in return. I HATE being wrong, but this time I was sickened to see just how much I had been putting up with, and how I was allowing myself and my kids to be destroyed in the process. For the first time, I was really able to see my part in this.
I took into consideration, too, how relaxed we all were this weekend away from him; rediscovered how awesome it is to see my kids having fun and laughing out loud, and realizing that never happens here. I was out, meeting new people, and realized that I, too, come alive when I'm away from him; that I'm a totally different person when he's not around.
Your question made me do some heavy examination of my life the way it is, not the way I wish it was, and I can't thank you enough for it. Despite the religious issues that come with divorce being Catholic, I will be filing tomorrow morning.
Seriously, thank you.