Originally Posted by Tornbetweenthetwo
Zanna, I hope I know why he wont have sex with me. I used to think it was because of his job (Homicide detective), he sees a lot of ugly things. So whenever he tells me his tired, headaches etc. I just stop and dont bother. Sometimes, I would tell him if we can do it, and he would tell me, "maybe" and then by the time we were in bed, he would say "he's tired", "not tonight" or whatever. I am tired of getting rejected. I also build up resentment because of it and at one point, I thought of divorcing him.
I understand and it sounds like it's a huge issue in your marriage and I absolutely agree it needs to be dealt with...
However, when you add cheating to the mix, the problem is no longer the lack of sex.
It's like painting your kitchen when your foundation is cracking.
Your decision to cheat is your own. He owns his part in the marital breakdown but you have to own yours, and it's usually not so black and white.
There must be some reason you are still married to this man. Is he entirely horrible? Why would he say he doesn't want sex? As someone else mentioned, has he had his testosterone levels checked? Is he affectionate? Does he otherwise treat you well? Lack of sex is caused by a variety of different issues/reasons and not everything points to him purposely being emotionally abusive OR purposely destroying your self-esteem. You need to open up the lines of communication. Although, again at this point, you need to deal with the A first.