swedish

I think you need to take a step back and decide what you want. She may be too confused to even know what she wants at this point. The last thing you want is for her to say what you want to hear just to not hurt you. Picture your life with her going forward. Are you ok with her still having contact with the OM? If you are not, you need to tell her what your limits are. For example, I entered this marriage to be monogamous and if this is something you also want, you need to stop all contact with him and work with me to figure out why you strayed so we can work on those issues between us and move forward and if it's not something that can be restored then we both can move on. I agree that without forgiveness on your part, it will be very difficult to stay with her. Forgetting is another story. You cannot just erase this from your memory. You will need some sort of resolve that you understand how you got to this point so down the road you don't constantly worry that it might happen again. Yes, we are only human and do make mistakes, but by saying it's ok I understand is really opening the door for her to do whatever she wants without regard for your marriage vows and feelings and in my opinion just setting yourself up to continue to be hurt. I would personally think 'separation' means she wants to keep seeing the OM and see how that goes. You really need to decide what you are willing to put up with. If she continues to see him, she cannot be fully vested in working on your marriage and I don't think you should put yourself through that turmoil. Gather up the strength to tell her what you need from this relationship if it is to be repaired or I fear you will be setting yourself up to be hurt over and over. Good luck.