goes out of her way for a couple days to pursue me until she gets the feeling that everything is ok
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Martino,
Your wife still loves you and I know you know that fact already.
You love your wife also right else you would not seek advise from us.
There is hope in your marriage (Lets focus on that)
As for the intimacy issue, Could I suggest you try means to spice things up.
There could be a few reasons why she wants it quick.
(1) MAYBE she finds lovemaking a chore
You might want to explore further techniques which is different from your daily/ normal patterns. There are board games for such, she might appreciate the difference in your intimacy attitude.
1a.- Try a different method compared to the usual that you and her do.
(2) MAYBE the fear of having another child- (I am really sorry to hear about your condition of your child BTW)
I really hope things will get better for you and remember never stop loving her.
