Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - I don't know what to believe. Another emotional affair case:

danielria · 06-27-2012, 10:32 AM

About three weeks ago I caught my wife talking to a past boyfriend. I confronted her with this and she told me all about it. She said that she looked him up to talk about something that happened in the past. She admitted to having an emotional affair with this man. She also said that she visited with him once and that they did in fact kiss. She said that she got caught up in the moment because she told him about her desire to have a baby. He told her that he would be a donor for her if I didn't want to do it.
She told me that she was sorry and would never contact this man again. She has cried on multiple occasions telling me that she is sorry. I stayed in bed for about three days because I could not believe what had happened. I know that she feels guilty about it and I really didn't think that she realized how much I love her. She knows this now and wants to make it work.
The problem is that my wife is going through menopause. She had approached me several months ago wanting to try and have a baby. My wife has never been able to have a child of her own and would require using an egg donor and IVF (me and another female's egg).
Well, I feel that some of this is my fault because I would not listen to her. She shut me out and went looking for someone that would listen to her. She claims that nothing sexual happened between her and this guy, but I can’t get this thought out of my head. How do I know for sure if she’s telling me the truth?
I have never had to doubt this woman in the almost 20 years that we have been married. Is there anyone out there that can help me get past this? I had agreed to go to the IVF clinic with her and do this. But the very next day I caught her talking to this guy. I have not been an easy person to live with and we have not had time to spend with one another because of me being in school and her working too much.
I love this woman with all my heart! In fact, I have never loved any woman like I do her. We have two kids that we adopted and I don’t want to lose my family. Still, the thought of her having an emotional affair is bad enough, and the idea of her having had sex with this guy is still in my head.
I can’t sleep at night and I have lost 12 lbs in the past two weeks because I can’t even eat. Can anyone offer me some help? I feel like a ping pong ball and the match has no end. If I leave, I will lose her and my family. If I stay, then I am going to have to live with the thought that she might have had sex with this guy. I have never had to worry about her in the past. I know that she loves me and I know that I love her. Well, I hope that someone can be of some sort of help to me! Thanks!

06-27-2012, 10:32 AM	#1 (permalink)
danielria Registered User Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 4	I don't know what to believe. Another emotional affair case: About three weeks ago I caught my wife talking to a past boyfriend. I confronted her with this and she told me all about it. She said that she looked him up to talk about something that happened in the past. She admitted to having an emotional affair with this man. She also said that she visited with him once and that they did in fact kiss. She said that she got caught up in the moment because she told him about her desire to have a baby. He told her that he would be a donor for her if I didn't want to do it. She told me that she was sorry and would never contact this man again. She has cried on multiple occasions telling me that she is sorry. I stayed in bed for about three days because I could not believe what had happened. I know that she feels guilty about it and I really didn't think that she realized how much I love her. She knows this now and wants to make it work. The problem is that my wife is going through menopause. She had approached me several months ago wanting to try and have a baby. My wife has never been able to have a child of her own and would require using an egg donor and IVF (me and another female's egg). Well, I feel that some of this is my fault because I would not listen to her. She shut me out and went looking for someone that would listen to her. She claims that nothing sexual happened between her and this guy, but I can’t get this thought out of my head. How do I know for sure if she’s telling me the truth? I have never had to doubt this woman in the almost 20 years that we have been married. Is there anyone out there that can help me get past this? I had agreed to go to the IVF clinic with her and do this. But the very next day I caught her talking to this guy. I have not been an easy person to live with and we have not had time to spend with one another because of me being in school and her working too much. I love this woman with all my heart! In fact, I have never loved any woman like I do her. We have two kids that we adopted and I don’t want to lose my family. Still, the thought of her having an emotional affair is bad enough, and the idea of her having had sex with this guy is still in my head. I can’t sleep at night and I have lost 12 lbs in the past two weeks because I can’t even eat. Can anyone offer me some help? I feel like a ping pong ball and the match has no end. If I leave, I will lose her and my family. If I stay, then I am going to have to live with the thought that she might have had sex with this guy. I have never had to worry about her in the past. I know that she loves me and I know that I love her. Well, I hope that someone can be of some sort of help to me! Thanks!