| | Re: "Foreplay feels forced"
I'm going to try the unpredictable approach...I swear that Passionate Marriage book could have been written by someone observing our marriage. Unfortunately it leads me to believe that "jumpstarting" things by skipping the no desire problem and moving straight to foreplay and such, is not going to help things.
There is a term "communal genitals" that is used to describe the idea that, if you are married and are faithful, then your spouse basically owes you a s*x life. I pretty much agree that it works that way but I don't want to be OWED something...I want my wife to WANT something between us.
The author says that one partner can usually force the other to violate their integrity (just in s*x?)...and this feels like one of those cases. I told my wife when we started working on things in the Spring (and repeated it after she told me about being raped) that I didn't want her to have s*x with me just out of obligation...because it wasn't enjoyable for me to "get off" and see her just "take it." But now that's the compromise?
Saturday night is upon us, the next time I'll have a shot at doing anything in this realm with my wife...so we'll see what I actually throw out there...I'm thinking some of that foreplay that doesn't lead to penetration is in order....no discussions that turn into lectures...but definitely an effort to connect emotionally and mentally.
Last edited by Not Me Oh; 09-11-2009 at 08:18 AM.
Reason: added comments