Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - not just too much sex but wife CONSTANTLY want attention

moxy · 06-29-2012, 04:24 PM

She needs hobbies and projects that are her own and not about you. Too much of her happiness is tied up in the connection she shares with you and she's becoming very dependent upon you. It's not fair to you. Also, her addiction to you is going to leave her unfulfilled. You can't be her everything and she needs to self-regulate her happiness. I wonder if she even realizes that this is an option.

Have you talked to her about it, more directly than just saying you need some private time? Any chance you can convince her to join a social club of some sort to help get her motivated in the right direction? Sometimes, people think that they are expected to give all their time and attention to their partners, not realizing that a little more time apart is better for both and actually that both will benefit from a bit more individuality.

I think you need to be gentle but candid with her when you have a talk with her about this so that she doesn't feel rejected, but sees it as something that will benefit the both of you. Doing this harshly or manipulatively will damage your relationship, but being more honest and open, doing it with kindness will help make your relationship stronger. Think of it as an exercise in balance that you both have to work out together. You could explain it kindly with analogies, maybe -- a little bit of sugar is delightful, but an entire diet of sugar alone can be overwhelming to the palate; while you're lucky enough to have a candy shop worth of sugar, you want to be able to savor the candy that you get and you can't do that if you don't have the space you need to crave it.

I agree with the folks above who have suggested that it might be useful to read up a little on abandonment issues. Maybe even the Love Languages? It could be that simple.

06-29-2012, 04:24 PM	#7 (permalink)
moxy Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 1,458	Re: not just too much sex but wife CONSTANTLY want attention She needs hobbies and projects that are her own and not about you. Too much of her happiness is tied up in the connection she shares with you and she's becoming very dependent upon you. It's not fair to you. Also, her addiction to you is going to leave her unfulfilled. You can't be her everything and she needs to self-regulate her happiness. I wonder if she even realizes that this is an option. Have you talked to her about it, more directly than just saying you need some private time? Any chance you can convince her to join a social club of some sort to help get her motivated in the right direction? Sometimes, people think that they are expected to give all their time and attention to their partners, not realizing that a little more time apart is better for both and actually that both will benefit from a bit more individuality. I think you need to be gentle but candid with her when you have a talk with her about this so that she doesn't feel rejected, but sees it as something that will benefit the both of you. Doing this harshly or manipulatively will damage your relationship, but being more honest and open, doing it with kindness will help make your relationship stronger. Think of it as an exercise in balance that you both have to work out together. You could explain it kindly with analogies, maybe -- a little bit of sugar is delightful, but an entire diet of sugar alone can be overwhelming to the palate; while you're lucky enough to have a candy shop worth of sugar, you want to be able to savor the candy that you get and you can't do that if you don't have the space you need to crave it. I agree with the folks above who have suggested that it might be useful to read up a little on abandonment issues. Maybe even the Love Languages? It could be that simple. __________________ "He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it." -Martin Luther King, Jr. "“We first crush people to the earth, & then claim the right of trampling on them forever, because they are prostrate." -Lydia Maria Child. Last edited by moxy; 06-29-2012 at 04:28 PM.