| | Re: This is How I feel Honestly..
you are obviously, and rightfully, hurt by what your father has done. But that hurt is coming from the child in you. i think there is always the child in us that wants any relationship- be it with parents, friends, or spouse- to be an altruistic, sort of religious projection of a savior. of course we dont want to hurt- and we get this idea that the other person needs to be perfect so they dont hurt us. we need people to mold to our needs. that is the child in us- the helpless, raw emotional, reactionary perspective. we want people to be our christ. but it doesn't really work that way- as you are learning.
if you are looking for someone that will never hurt you, you will never find that- not even from yourself. you are hurting yourself right now with the anger and resentment that you are building up in yourself. its ironic, but you are becoming the very thing you despise- a source of hurt and a dispenser of pain. you will hurt others with your attitude. so you see, you are part of the cycle you hate.
when you are ready, and tired of the pain, you will realize you have to let go of your wounded child and the thoughts that go with that persona if you ever want to really stop hurting. other people dont need to change for you to stop hurting. no one needs to be perfect. you have to change your thoughts and your perspective.
"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie