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Originally Posted by Effygerms  Id say me makes at least 85% of our income. We live in MA so we legally have to have health insurance. The bills come out of my account so my money gets spent first then his money pays the rest. |
This is so wrong and backwards. His money should be used first to pay all the bills.
If I were you I’d be putting all of your money in an account as a rainy day fund. And maybe take a bit so you can buy things for yourself once in a while.
One good way to do it is to put all of both of your income in a joint account. Put 10%-20% into savings. (Pay yourself first.) Pay all of your bills, buy groceries, etc. Take the left over $$ and divide it equally between the two of you. Now both of you get to have some fun and buy nice things. And things for your children do not come out of your half. They are paid before you split the remaining 50/50.
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Originally Posted by Effygerms I'm the one that balances the accounts and knows whats coming out and when. |
I thought so. His actions are those of someone who has no clue what it takes to run a family. You need to sit that guy down weekly and go over the income/expense and asset/debt sheets. Do you know how to do these? Maybe you could get a copy of QuickBooks to do your accounts. Run your home finances like a business and the two of you sit down and plan/work together.
You just might be making it too easy for him to not pay attention to where the money goes and what is needed.
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Originally Posted by Effygerms I try to do what I can to save money like no more take out the cloth diapers, jumping in recycle bins for coupons. Ill try the can you wait till tomorrow tactic. Hopefully it will work with him. If he whines and stomps around like a kid in a candy store I might just punch him (not really). |
If you did all of this and just used the simple plant that I outlined above, you two would be able to buy a house in no time.
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Originally Posted by Effygerms I've given some of his "stuff" away cause I don't like to live cluttered. he doesn't even notice its gone. Which shows he probably should not have bought it in the first place. |
Either donate it to charity and take a tax write off or hold garage sales and make some cash. AT least that way you can get something out of the stuff. Maybe you could get the receipts, keep boxes and just return it to the store when he’s not looking? Just a thought…
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Originally Posted by Effygerms Its a little hard with our situation to sit him down to really figure things out because he fishes off shore and hes only home 2 out of every 10 days. It really is our money but sometimes I have a hard time wrapping my head around that because I don't feel, even doing the best I can do that I've done enough to earn that money. So he just shuts me right up when he goes on about how hard hes worked for it. |
You sound like a good, generous woman. But you are enabling him in some really bad habits.
First off… he’s as responsible to support your children as you are. Since he makes more it falls on him right now. If you are like most families, most of your expenses are for your children. Do not feel guilty about having him support the children. If he did not have you to take care of the children, he’d have to pay a LOT of money for someone to do it while he was working. You are working hard as well, contributing to the family/marriage, by raising your children and keeping your home up.
How many hours a week do you work outside the home?
IMHO, an important part of being married is to help our spouse be the best person they can be. You are not doing that allowing him to squander the income from his hard labor. Is he really going to miss it all that much if you do the setup of saving first, pay bills and then you two split it 50/50? I doubt it.
Perhaps you need to read the book, make your plans… then give him the book to read.. or… it’s a small book.. read it to him over a couple of weekend while he’s home.
Or just tell him that you are taking some control over the finances because you are worried that you have no savings, no buffer for rainy days.
