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Originally Posted by believer
I have decided I am going to dedicate this time apart to me & find out what I like to do again, take care of myself & not feel guilty either spending the money or taking the time.
I know I will be OK if we decide to go our seperate ways because I have gone through the really tough emotional part already ( I am sure there will be more when/if we divorce) but I feel confident that I can do it on my own.
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This is great to hear. You are in a much better position today to make choices for yourself for the right reasons.
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Originally Posted by believer
Your point about "understanding why he strayed" I completely agree with & I admit to having some fault in our problems. I no longer blame myself for him making a very bad decision & breaking out marrital vows by committing adultery. I realize that he had options when that situation presented itself & he made the bad decision. After many long talks & reading self help books - I can see how I/we played a role in where our marriage was.
I feel that if we did decide to work things out - I know I have learned a lot about myself & would not make some of the same mistakes that we made in our marriage ( lack of communincation & not setting aside time for us/ date nights I think were our 2 biggest problems) - we became "roomates" & our lives became too routine.
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This is a great foundation to begin to rebuild your marriage, if you choose to do so. I hope your husband has been able to see the issues as clearly as you have.
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Originally Posted by believer
Before I make the decision to try to work it out again & seek couples counseling - I am going to ask him for proof that nothing is going on with the other woman. I hate to ask but he has created that lack of trust factor - not me. I plan to ask him to show me his last year bank account files, I want to check his work emails & if he balks, I know that it is over. If he has nothing to hide, I may consider trying to rebuild that trust.
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I don't blame you a bit. The hurt you have suffered is only complicated now that there is another child involved.
I can see where finding out 1.5 years later that he was not totally up front with you only compounds the trust issue. I can also see that all of the evidence you have posted regarding his deception all fall in the time where he was involved with her and it seemed he was having conflicted feelings flip/flopping between you and psycho-woman so it doesn't necessarily mean he just an all around liar that can never be trusted...it might be that he was confused about what he wanted at the time and once he decided he wanted to work on your marriage, he didn't want to risk you walking out or hurting you further by telling you the most recent infidelities. Bad/wrong/selfish yes, but he has now put himself in a position where he needs to make an effort to regain your trust...open book...I agree...he should not even blink if you ask for proof or feel the need to check up on things until you get some sort of comfort level that he's on the up and up.
How have things been going for you lately?