lonleyinlasvegas

Would love to get some feedback so I don't think I am going insane..

8 weeks ago I found some inappropriate text messages on my wifes phone by accident. I was really mad, told her she needs to stop texting this dude, he only wants to get into your pants, and she promised me she would stop.

Over the course of several weeks, there was lots of sneaky texting going on. Passwords appeared on everything where there were none before..She paid great attention to her looks and clothes every time she went to the gym (where she met this guy). I suspected, but trusted her as I always have the last 12 years that she was keeping her word.

Last week I went into her office and there was another text from this same man. I freaked out, packed my bags and left for 2 days to stay at a hotel. (maybe a mistake on my part in retrospect..).

When I came back, she left for 2 days and then refused to sleep in the same bed. She said I scared the crap out of her by leaving in anger. (I did tell her where I was spending the night and needed a few days to cool off).

I wrote her a letter asking her to end this EA once and for all. I pleaded and told her how much I loved her. And I told her I felt betrayed and my trust in her was shattered. I have no reason to suspect a FA, but EA it certainly was and going to a bad place..

Two days later, low a behold, she droppped a total bombshell on me and asked to separate. Said I was being controlling, and brought up a 8 page complaint list of items in our marriage (some legit, others way off base..) from the last few years. I again pleaded with her not to go, as most separations end in divorce. She insists she needs her "space" and has no intention of divorce..

The way I see it, the timining of the separation request could not be more coincidental..clearly she values the EA with this person more than our marriage. I think she is delusional right now and not thinking clearly...I was blindsided and blown away. My world was shattered for two days. I felt a part of me had died.

Looking for answers, I came across this board..I read about the 180 and started to practice it, as I was getting nowhere with pleading and professing my love... It was one of the hardest things in my life to do, but I did it. I told her today maybe she was right, maybe we do need to separate as she is not comming clean on what happened, nor ending the EA, nor willing to sit with a MC. I could see she was shaking tonight not knowing what to do.

She packed the pets up tonight and cried as she walked out the door (to stay at a friends house). It pained me to see her go. I so wanted to hug her and tell her to stay..but I told her this is what you wanted, space. Be careful what you wish for. Call me if you need any help. She asked if I was changing the locks. I told her I was here to help her in any way if she was willing to come clean and work on reconciliation and the issues she brought up.

And there walked the most precious person in my life for 12 years out the door..

I am now alone and feel terrible. I hope this works. Yes, I do deserve better, but I also love her dearly. I truly think she is having a momentary lapse of insanity and making a cascading set of bad decisions, one after the other.

I pray she comes to her senses..and comes back..but if not I am willing to move on and not be anyones doormat..

Please tell me I did the right thing?