Originally Posted by tester
Thanks for your advice Seesaw but telling my wife isnt an option - it would crush her and I couldn't do that to her - I know that's a contradiction considering what I've done so far, but I would rather hate myself and live with that than cause my wife any pain.
She knows already my friend but can't admit it to herself. You can't act normal around her and she keeps asking what is wrong. Equally bad, your feelings for OW are 'uncontrollable'. You will not be able to keep away from the OW on your own and even if you can her memory is going to eat away at your marriage forever. Whichever route you take now will crush her. The question is whether you eventually want a good marriage based upon honesty and openness or whether you want to live a lie for the rest of your life.
That lie is important: Even if you can drag yourself away from OW, unless you have done some seriously hard work on your marriage the chances are the same thing will happen again. You cannot, go cold turkey, rug sweep, then carry on as if nothing happened.
And, forgive me, not wanting to cause pain unloads just one more massive layer of disrespect onto your wife. You cannot get your marriage out of a pile of sh*t by throwing more sh*t at it.
Get this SHE IS GOING TO FIND OUT. Trust me, she is. How she finds out and when she finds out matters. One week of e-mails and one meeting then telling her right NOW gives her the feeling that at least you respected her that much.
For your sake, you need to tell her. For her sake, you need to tell her. For the sake of your marriage, you need to tell her. If that isn't enough, for the sake of your children you need to tell her. After it all comes out, what are you going to say to them as they grow up. Can you hold your head high, admit a bad mistake then show them you did everything you could to learn and be a better person? Or are you going to tell them you hid it away and lied to your whole family like a coward.
Sorry to be blunt.