believer

Hi Swedish - haven't been on in awhile & it's late now. so I will make this quick ( not that I ever have short posts).
Honestly, I think I am leaning more towards divorce at this point & never imagined I would be feeling this way so soon after our seperation ( 2 months).
But he was over a few weeks ago, when our daughter was home sick. And I saw his wallet on the counter & peeked. Saw a receipt for an expensive dinner on a night he supposedly sees his other child. My heart sank - as I think this was deciding factor.
I figure, why even ask about it - because I don't expect an honest answer. Isn't that sad?
It is disappointing that not even 1 month into our seperation - he has found ( or maybe just never left his company). I was hoping that the seperation would be his "hit me over the head" moment -that he finally realizes that I wouldn't tolerate his unfaithfulness & if he didn't get his act together - that we were over.
He does not know that I saw the receipt & as he has operated in the past, as long as I don't know it is OK.
Hope had been keeping me going & I was still hopeful even though we were seperating - thinking it would only reinforce with him what he had risked & what a good thing we had.
I had even thought in my time of reflection - "what would I/we do differently when/if we have a fresh start?"
But now that I have found this receipt - I don't even know if I will give him the benefit of an explantion - because I really don't want to hear it. More lies & BS - . . .

At this point, I really feel that I have exhausted all my options. The only last thing I can possibly think of is telling him that he needs to seek therapy to find out about himself & what is causing him to lie, to find out what he is really looking for? if there is something in his past that is causing him to act this way? But not sure I want to stick around for him to find out.

I am now more in the mode of preparing for the next step & researching my options about our condo, etc. I have an appt. with my therapist this coming week - so hoping to get some professional guidance as to how to proceed.

This is not what I had hoped for but I can not control the decisions my husband makes & if he is to continue to make poor decisions, than I am better off without him. Only he can change & has not given me much faith in that, once again.

Wish me luck - will keep you updated.