| | Re: Please help, sadness is destroying our intimacy
Is it possible that no abuse actually occured but that her mother by being so vocal about abuse, confused the young girl she once was about sex in general?
Has she been treated for PTSD? Even in the absence of an event to pin it on, it seems like this is what she is experiencing on some level. Does she have flashbacks of any sort even though they're not about her? (Does that make any sense? When she is in a sexual situation, what is she thinking and what images come to mind?)
Is she taking Xanax? From the way you describe it, it doesn't sound like she's taking it regularly and if that is the case, why not?
It is tough when sex is all on you. The pressure to be innovative on your own is difficult to deal with. I don't know what kinds of things you do now so I am not sure what to suggest past getting a toy -- one for you and one for her and then use them on one another. Tell her what you are going to do before hand and don't ask her opinion. My reasoning isn't that you want to show no regard for her feelings it is that if she can't talk about it, and you are waiting for her agreement, you'll never get there.
If she's bored, too I find it very surprising that she's afraid to talk to you about what she'd like. Either that or what she would like to her seems so freakish that she's upsetting herself (and this would go back to somehow getting an idea that all sex is bad or dirty.)
I have to say that you being the caregiver here is going to drain you and you are going to have to take a lot of time for yourself and she's just going to have to deal with it. If not, you'll burn out and stop going home eventually. You'll turn to someone who can meet some of your needs.
Is she on disability? If she's as bad as you say, I would be surprised if she can hold down a job.