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BronteVillette · 07-04-2012, 03:44 PM

Boxhead 201: Totally get the abandonment issues. All my life, my father was an alcoholic (deceased- liver gave out) and I was emotionally abused and abandoned.

That's what it felt like when my husband left and how I continue to feel- abandoned. I thought that with the man I love by my side and him loving me warts and all, that I was "safe". I think I fell into the fantasy of believing that I could receive the unconditional love from him that I was neglected as a child. Perhaps I felt too "safe" and didn't work hard enough on being my own person (dependency issues). Boy, am I a piece of work.

There are times when I feel like the floor is falling out from under me and I'm in a panic- dying. I freeze with fear and turn into that little girl again. As an adult, I know logically that nothing is really going to happen to me but our childhood traumas do have major influence over us.

Mule Kick: I had major self-esteem issues before and during our marriage. Now that he's gone, it's taken another serious hit. This has a good deal to do with why he left and why I can't move on. I'm hoping that this is not the case with you.

Homemaker Numero Uno: If they wanted out so bad, why do they continue to attempt contact? Why the hold? What do they get out of it?

Thanks to all. It does help to know I am not alone.

07-04-2012, 03:44 PM	#13 (permalink)
BronteVillette Member Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 81	Re: No Contact is So Difficult Boxhead 201: Totally get the abandonment issues. All my life, my father was an alcoholic (deceased- liver gave out) and I was emotionally abused and abandoned. That's what it felt like when my husband left and how I continue to feel- abandoned. I thought that with the man I love by my side and him loving me warts and all, that I was "safe". I think I fell into the fantasy of believing that I could receive the unconditional love from him that I was neglected as a child. Perhaps I felt too "safe" and didn't work hard enough on being my own person (dependency issues). Boy, am I a piece of work. There are times when I feel like the floor is falling out from under me and I'm in a panic- dying. I freeze with fear and turn into that little girl again. As an adult, I know logically that nothing is really going to happen to me but our childhood traumas do have major influence over us. Mule Kick: I had major self-esteem issues before and during our marriage. Now that he's gone, it's taken another serious hit. This has a good deal to do with why he left and why I can't move on. I'm hoping that this is not the case with you. Homemaker Numero Uno: If they wanted out so bad, why do they continue to attempt contact? Why the hold? What do they get out of it? Thanks to all. It does help to know I am not alone.