believer

to Tryingtotrust - why do you want to stay with your husband? has your husband given you any indication that you should trust him again (verbally or more importantly - in his actions)? you mentioned that you need to "learn to cope" if you want to stay with him. But I am asking you , why do you want to stay? It doesn't sound like you have had a happy marriage thus far? Are there any children involved? Ask yourself - is this the relationship & the man I want to spend the rest of my life with?
By your husband turning things around & making you feel guilty because he is not "man" enough to admit to you or maybe himself -that he is not happy & to do something to fix it or move on.

My husband did the same thing when I questioned/accused him of an affair - he said I had it all wrong & misunderstood. Then I felt awful & guilty for questioning him. He turned it back on me & never took responsiblity for his actions. But things still didn't sit right for me, so I kept looking & eventually found out more info. It took me digging for more information for 2 more months before the truth finally came out. I am not sure what he thought denying it would bring expect for a little more time for him to decided if would continue with the other woman, what he would tell me. I just wish he would have come out staight forwardly & told me he was so unhappy - so I could have changed the way things were before they got so bad. But I had no clue this was coming.
I wish he would have had the integrity to come & tell me the truth & either decide he wanted to work on the marriage or leave. But none of this - I'll stay married & keep in contact with the other woman in the meantime, until I decide.