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PixieDust · 05-28-2008, 10:31 AM

Thanks so much for the reply. I know it is difficult for my husband to leave the abuse in the past. Had I known how hard it would be for him, I would not have married him. But, in any case, we are already married and have 2 children.

My parents are not the sit-down-and-talk type of family. They don't fight with each other and they certainly don't discuss problems. They sort of remind me of the the WASP parents in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I have tried to have discussions with them regarding my husband, but they won't listen. I only imagine that sitting my husband down with them would only make the tension worse. They know about his abusive past, but they think it is no excuse for his behavior. Discussing it with them and him together would be a nightmare. My husband will not openly take responsibility for any of his offensive behavior; like many typical abusers, he projects it onto the subject ("it was a reaction to...," "she made me do it"). Thus, such a discussion will only back-up my parents' claims about him. Their claims are not invalid...they just simply create this tension around me that I can't take.

As for counseling, I am the only one in my family who is willing to go. And I have gone in the past, but I did not find it very helpful since I don't feel that I am the one with the problem. Of course, I am certainly not perfect, but I have a decent self-esteem considering the situation, am very aware of myself (good and bad points), and am generally a nice person.

In any case, sometimes I feel the tension is so bad that I would simply like to move my immediate family out of state to avoid the tension. But I know my kids love their grandparents too, and I don't want to alienate my parents because my husband is a jerk.

Unfortunately, I don't think there is much of a solution for me. I have considered anti-depressants to help with my emotions, but I know that my depression and anxiety is situational....so it seems really stupid to take drugs to conquer this.

I watched one of my aunts go through the same type of relationship, and she ended up leaving her husband right after her son graduated from high school. I think she even loved her husband, but he was, like mine, verbally abusive, and everyone in the family hated him. I feel like I am just repeating this sad history. I feel like I have to choose either my parents or my husband, and that is simply not very fair.

05-28-2008, 10:31 AM	#3 (permalink)
PixieDust Registered User Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 4	Re: My parents hate my husband Thanks so much for the reply. I know it is difficult for my husband to leave the abuse in the past. Had I known how hard it would be for him, I would not have married him. But, in any case, we are already married and have 2 children. My parents are not the sit-down-and-talk type of family. They don't fight with each other and they certainly don't discuss problems. They sort of remind me of the the WASP parents in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I have tried to have discussions with them regarding my husband, but they won't listen. I only imagine that sitting my husband down with them would only make the tension worse. They know about his abusive past, but they think it is no excuse for his behavior. Discussing it with them and him together would be a nightmare. My husband will not openly take responsibility for any of his offensive behavior; like many typical abusers, he projects it onto the subject ("it was a reaction to...," "she made me do it"). Thus, such a discussion will only back-up my parents' claims about him. Their claims are not invalid...they just simply create this tension around me that I can't take. As for counseling, I am the only one in my family who is willing to go. And I have gone in the past, but I did not find it very helpful since I don't feel that I am the one with the problem. Of course, I am certainly not perfect, but I have a decent self-esteem considering the situation, am very aware of myself (good and bad points), and am generally a nice person. In any case, sometimes I feel the tension is so bad that I would simply like to move my immediate family out of state to avoid the tension. But I know my kids love their grandparents too, and I don't want to alienate my parents because my husband is a jerk. Unfortunately, I don't think there is much of a solution for me. I have considered anti-depressants to help with my emotions, but I know that my depression and anxiety is situational....so it seems really stupid to take drugs to conquer this. I watched one of my aunts go through the same type of relationship, and she ended up leaving her husband right after her son graduated from high school. I think she even loved her husband, but he was, like mine, verbally abusive, and everyone in the family hated him. I feel like I am just repeating this sad history. I feel like I have to choose either my parents or my husband, and that is simply not very fair.