knortoh

You are in a really frustrating place.

Reading through your posts it seems that

1. You have been aware of some on -going tension around your husbands commitent to his job. Maybe some resentment on your part? Maybe some lack of compromise on his part?

2. Things came to a head when you made a choice that seemed good for your career and consequently for some of the hopes and dreams that you have for the future -

3. This has brought into sharp relief the extent to which your H appears to be inconsiderate of your feelings about how much he works and how little time that leaves for you as a couple.

4. You are feeling and hurt on top of the years of nagging disapointment about feeling second best.

5. However you want to make things work -

6. Your H is at best ambivalent about this

7. You have mentioned quite a few times that your H is motivated by the desire to 'look good' - and that what others think of him is important.

8. You have now related this to some his relations with younger colleagues? at work -

9. You are being out in the position of trying to come up with answers/ explanations....

As others have said it is so sad but it is unlilkely that your H is going to cough up those answers -

Although you will probably get them in 'the fullness of time' as they say....

He sounds like he has some of the hallmarks of passive agressive beahviour -
not liking confrontation - and yet finding a way to get exactly what he wants

You are having to adjust your vision of your relationship and of your H very quickly -

it is so shocking when they don't let you in on how they are feeling until it is too late

So sorry you are going through this - but in a way it is better that it has come to a head now before you've had those kids you want.

Have a think about whether this is the guy you want to be the father of those kids....

sorry if this is a harsh way of putting it