swedish

Hi Believer,

There is this little nagging thought I'm having that maybe he had a business dinner or something innocent and it would be a shame to base such a big decision on that event not knowing the details. But I know you will question any reason he gives because he's given you so much reason not to trust & I understand that this might be the straw that broke the camel's back as you have been struggling with this decision for quite some time.

I am in my second marriage and I can tell you going through the grieving process is difficult, but necessary for you. I am fortunate enough to have some very supportive friends, but being the only one to go through a divorce I did have feelings of failure, embarrassment.

On the other hand, a huge weight had been lifted once I was on my own and no longer dealt with the daily emotions of being in an unhappy marriage. I was able to think more clearly and the time I spent on my own really gave me time to think about the relationship, where it went wrong, what I expected going forward, etc. Because when reading that most divorced people end up unhappy in future relationships for the same reasons the marriage ended I really wanted to make sure when the time came to date again, I knew what I wanted in a long-term relationship.

Having three young (at the time) children made for a very crazy life for me, but the weekends my ex had the kids I made sure to do things for myself. I took up violin lessons, went to the gym, hung out in the bookstore, took some mini-vacations and really tried to relax because it would have been too easy to stay home and do housework/yardwork when the kids were gone but I really needed the down time.

My husband and I are doing well. We are both committed to giving the time needed to heal and although it's a long process, it does get better over time. He really has put forth the effort to rebuild my trust and that's what keeps me moving in a positive direction. I think date night and spending time together in general has made the biggest impact for us because we really do have fun together.

He's also made great strides at home with my kids. He's been spending a lot more time with them and realizes the positive impact it has on them & how much they care about him (even the eldest who is 18 and very difficult to live with at times)

I guess with every hurdle in life all we can hope for is to learn something that we can apply to our life in a positive way, even when the outcome is not so positive.