Originally Posted by Shaggy
I to worry about any trend to say divorce as the only option.
That's said I would say there is a philosophy emerging here on TAM that believes that a person who believes in themself and boundaries and s willing to insist upon boundaries and them being respected by their SO is a happier and more attractive person in the marriage.
Over and over we hear of wives and husband who compromise and negotiate with SOs who are not treating them with respect, nor with reasonable boundaries.
People, of both sexes, which have personal values, beliefs, and boundaries of what they will accept from a partner are not only more attractive but the high bar they set in their marriage for themself and their spouse creates a better, stronger marriage. It shows your SO you do care, you do value the relationship, and you are on guard against threats.
So if the worry is that TAM is turning too pro D, I'd agree that would be a bad turn.
But, if the worry is that TAM is turning too pro personal respect, expectations of respect from SOs, and even sensible boundaries for partners then I would disagree.
Certainly other sites do practice marriage at any cost. They advise rug sweeping of affairs, they advise BS that the affair is entirely their fault. I've read sites that blamed wives for their husbands cheating, and advised them to be nicer , loose weight and give him more sex to keep him at home. not ok in my values.
Then there are the evil sites that advise having an affair to improve your marriage, because you deserve it all. Yuck!
I like TAM because it asks people to act with a sense of self respect and respect for others, as well as to expect the same bak. It doesn't advise spouses to suck it up and accept abuse, and it is pro honesty.
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I agree 100% on the importance of personal boundaries. That's probably the #1 thing I've gleaned from this forum, the importance of establishing and respecting one's own principles. I had no idea about any of that when I first came here.
I also do not advocate marriage at any costs, and agree with you there, as well.
I guess what I mean is that the sense of finding that common ground with your spouse, of exploring mutual compromises, seems to be on the wane.