Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

mountains · 07-13-2012, 03:35 PM

I hope I'm allowed to post here...I'm a woman after all...but I am seeking thoughts from men because I want to understand my man a bit better.

My guy posts erotic ads and has erotic chats with other women. I confronted him about it 2 months ago, he denied it and claimed his account was hacked. Without him knowing I have kept tabs and have come to my own conclusions which have left me NOT upset/hurt but more confused than anything.

It seems to me that he is posting these with absolutely no intention of following through. It's like the 2010's version of a peep show or something -- just for stimulation. I know it could be a self confidence thing, or it could be a way of distances himself a bit from us when he feels too deep with us, or it could even be simply a masturbation tool. I don't know the exact reason but I am convinced it has nothing at all to do with wanting to cheat. I'm not going to go into detail and share his secrets but I am certain he has no plans to cheat and in fact he seems to have been posting ads like these for a couple years at least before meeting me.

What I am confused about is why he would not tell me? Especially after I brought it up more than once, giving him a chance to correct his original lie -- telling him that if it is I wouldn't care, etc. We are very open with each other and I have never been judgemental with him. I would like to hear from men who have done something similar.

It is my issue, I know, that I have this burning desire to understand but I just can't shake it. If you can add anything to help me understand more why he would lie when I ask him directly, I would really appreciate it. I accept him for him, I trust that he is not cheating nor wants to, sometimes when I know he does this it does make me question if I am enough for him but then I tell myself that I can't be his everything and even I love reading r-rated dime novels...but I can't just forget about it because I am one of those that needs to understand.

I'm sure also there will be some people that just think what he is doing is wrong, no matter the reasons. I am not one of those people, I don't think it's wrong, I think it is his way of coping with something I don't quite understand, so if you are one of those people, you don't need to waste your breath by replying here.

I have read tons and tons of letters, columns, etc about guys cheating and how they hide it. I know for a fact that some people (men and women) do this kind of behaviour for reasons other than cheating or wanting to leave a partner or trying to replace a partner. I talked at length with a good male friend who did this exact thing with his ex-gf of 5 years. But he is only one person and I really want to hear from other people who have also. I don't believe everyone is inherently bad...just because they are talking sexually does not mean they are wanting/planning to cheat.

07-13-2012, 03:35 PM	#1 (permalink)
mountains Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 31	He has sexual chat with other women I hope I'm allowed to post here...I'm a woman after all...but I am seeking thoughts from men because I want to understand my man a bit better. My guy posts erotic ads and has erotic chats with other women. I confronted him about it 2 months ago, he denied it and claimed his account was hacked. Without him knowing I have kept tabs and have come to my own conclusions which have left me NOT upset/hurt but more confused than anything. It seems to me that he is posting these with absolutely no intention of following through. It's like the 2010's version of a peep show or something -- just for stimulation. I know it could be a self confidence thing, or it could be a way of distances himself a bit from us when he feels too deep with us, or it could even be simply a masturbation tool. I don't know the exact reason but I am convinced it has nothing at all to do with wanting to cheat. I'm not going to go into detail and share his secrets but I am certain he has no plans to cheat and in fact he seems to have been posting ads like these for a couple years at least before meeting me. What I am confused about is why he would not tell me? Especially after I brought it up more than once, giving him a chance to correct his original lie -- telling him that if it is I wouldn't care, etc. We are very open with each other and I have never been judgemental with him. I would like to hear from men who have done something similar. It is my issue, I know, that I have this burning desire to understand but I just can't shake it. If you can add anything to help me understand more why he would lie when I ask him directly, I would really appreciate it. I accept him for him, I trust that he is not cheating nor wants to, sometimes when I know he does this it does make me question if I am enough for him but then I tell myself that I can't be his everything and even I love reading r-rated dime novels...but I can't just forget about it because I am one of those that needs to understand. I'm sure also there will be some people that just think what he is doing is wrong, no matter the reasons. I am not one of those people, I don't think it's wrong, I think it is his way of coping with something I don't quite understand, so if you are one of those people, you don't need to waste your breath by replying here. I have read tons and tons of letters, columns, etc about guys cheating and how they hide it. I know for a fact that some people (men and women) do this kind of behaviour for reasons other than cheating or wanting to leave a partner or trying to replace a partner. I talked at length with a good male friend who did this exact thing with his ex-gf of 5 years. But he is only one person and I really want to hear from other people who have also. I don't believe everyone is inherently bad...just because they are talking sexually does not mean they are wanting/planning to cheat. Last edited by mountains; 07-13-2012 at 04:29 PM.