There are 3 things you stated that I don't understand.
1."
SO for the sake of making myself understood I am going to do some quoting some one else that said the exact things I am feeling too."
Are these your words or not? If not, then what is your own story and who are you quoting because I don't see any quotations marks and couldn't understand someone else's story being the exact same as your, autistic daughter and all.
2. "
It seems that every bit of the marriage advice I find doesn't apply to us."
I don't know where you have been looking or who you've been talking to because this story is very typical of an abusive marriage.
3. "
I have no job, and he refuses to support me in my desire to get one"
Why do you need his support to get a job? Stop acting like his child and begin working to gain independence. You don't need his permission or approval to live your life however you please. You don't need his permission to get a job, to leave him, or to get a divorce. Stop letting him scare you.
Your husband is abusing and controlling you in almost every way possible - verbally, emotionally, financially, and mentally. Look at this
Wheel of Abuse and see for yourself how many different ways your husband is abusing you. You also google "abuse" and learn a lot about what you are going through.
You are not helping by depending on him for everything. There is no excuse for a 29 year old woman not to have her driver's license. You need that (or a state ID) to get a job, a place to live, and anything else. However, it is common for abused women to so be dependent and allow their abusive husband/boyfriend to control them. He uses mind games and calls you names to make you think you are stupid, unworthy, and incapable. Stop believing him. These are only his tactics to make you continue to be dependent on him and to make you think you cannot make it on your own without him. He does this to keep you around so he can keep on abusing you.
You will have to decide for yourself to end this and leave. Leaving is the only way to put a stop to it. So, your choices are to stay and continue being abused and controlled or begin to plan your exit strategy.
Also, he cannot touch your inheritance money unless you allow him. He knows that. That is the reason he is being nice all of a sudden. It's just so you fall for his antics as usual and trust him enough to let him get his hands on your money. Be smart enough and strong enough to keep his hands away from that money. He already uses money to control you. This money you are expecting could be a good amount to at least get you away from him and tide you over until you find a job. He knows that too, and he's trying to make you think he loves you and make you think he can change and be nice. This will just last long enough to prevent you from using that money to leave him. If you leave, he cannot control and abuse you anymore. He is trying to prevent that and trying to get your money. Don't fall for this. It is very common and very typical of abusers. Don't let him make you believe he loves you. I know it feels good when he is nice to you and whispering sweet nothings and telling you he loves you and all that bullcrap. Don't fall for it. Begin right now planning for that money to be your way out. Even if it's not a whole lot of money, it will be enough to get you and your kids out of that house and away from him.
Your children do not deserve this environment any more than you do. It makes them nervous and scared. They will grow up that way. They will also grow up thinking this is the way relationships are supposed to be. Do you want your boy(s) treating their wives this way? Do you want your girl(s) to look for abusive men?
Also, he is only using the kids as more of his intimidation. There is no woman in the United States who loses her children just because she doesn't have a job. You can get welfare assistance from the state to help you out until you get a job or to go to school to better yourself. Stop believing all this crap he keeps telling you. He is not the authority on anything at all. He has just psyched you out to make you think he is. Call and talk to a lawyer and find out your real rights. You will find out he will have to pay you child support and spousal support.
Call 211 from your landline phone or the Domestic Violence Hotling. They will give you the phone numbers of local abuse shelters in your area. Call a few of them to find out how they can help you. Abuse shelters have lots of resources available to them to help women get away from their abusers. They have access to housing programs that pay some or all of your rent. They can also help you plan your exit strategy.
Or, just stay there. Give him your money, spend your money on him, the house, the kids, and be abused some more.
