hi to S J and R I really understand all the kind advice and words form you all and no you r not boring J. I jsut could not understand or accept what is really right to do becuase of the state I have been in. Please I did not mean to lash out or express any bad vibes . And like R said I am broken and to think of the "end" for me just goes to show you all how broken I really am. Thanks R for bringing that out in me. I am really a very nice and warm guy and maybe too nice at times because sometimes I think I let sometings pass me by without suspicions cause why have them in the first place??. I thought everything was ok a the home front!! And I say this becuase while I was serving my country back in 68-71 I had alot to be on guard for!! I came home and thought I was in a safe place now. Although I did drink alot before 1996..to drown out bad memories I still kept the fire on you know what I mean. I mean I was there for my wife and my kids too. I held a good job and tried to provide all the good things finacially, emotionally, sexually, socially etc. My wife did not have to work and worked at home so they say nowadays
. I did not realize that this kind of problem was so much out there with so many partners. Just with this small group of forum members I feel like part of a family that has something in common and I would do anything I could to help someone in anyway that I could. I hope that all of us get over all this bad cituation and become happy in life. I would also like to know from R how he accomplished the "180 turnaround" ??.
Thanks alot you guys
Manny