chutki

hi all...

i am new to this group and got to know abt this site when i was searching online for help.
Me and my husband we got separated 10 months back,though not officially divorced.I am still hanging on him...he left me and he is looking on his own life....i am not able to digest the fact that how can he be so happy as if nothing has happened...not thinking abt the broken marriage...we have got large differences in everything possible....but always i tried to be with him no matter what....but he never has that feeling...he feels i am not correct for him and abiding to all of them the situations also came in such a way that we somehow left each other....from then i tried convincing him to be with me but no vain....i am 27 now and am worried that i am put in such mif life crisis again to start my life again....b4 marriage i was happy....having a good job and life....marriage ruined everything....even i am left out of money,though my parents r supporting me i am feeling ashamed to ask them for my expenses.....i really love my husband same time gets so much anger on him....not able to do anything about it...i felt atleast he ll realize for this debacle of our relation...but for every small thing to bigger issue he just puts the blame on me....i am really worried if really i am the one responsible for this failure....i am feeling very guilty...every min i am occupied with his thoughts and always keep thinking i should have done that at that situation may be i should have tried some other way impressing him blah blah....this thinking never ends....sometimes i become so anxious...stressed out....feeling like the world has come to and end for me...i can think positively and come out of this only for a few seconds time....then again back to this negative thinking.....whenever i ask my husband to be back...he says he likes me but not so much to revive our relation again....its better to separate than take the strain ....i dont really understand how can he say all these things without any feeling for me....dont he really miss me any time.....my mind is filled with all such thoughts....i dont know why i search for his profile on fb everyday....just seeing his profile or knowing his whereabouts gives me some satisfaction.....
i dont know what happpened to me....am i lacking confidence or can't i really stay without him?...whatever hurt he has given me i am ready to go back to him...but his mother wont make me live happily with him....she indulges in everuthing possible and makes my life miserable...i cant tolerate her..she controls my husband in everything want to control me too.....same time i feel that i am losing my husband just coz i am not able to act smart with her......i am getting mad thinking that how cum my husband doesnt love me after 3 yrs of our marriage...i agree with him that nothing is common in our tastes...but is divorce the ultimate solution....or am i thinking too much like old generation ...i am getting depressed easily...whenever i think abt him i end up crying...i dont know how to come out of this....if i go back to him i cant be happy...same time living alone is like hello to me....though i have my parents relatives everyone out there supporting me...i am still feeling lonely....sometimes to beat out the stress i eat all chocolate stuff and ended up adding 5 pounds excess fat to my weight...
please anyone suggest me what to do....