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daggeredheart · 07-16-2012, 02:28 PM

I along with countless others could have written this post word for word. The way you described your emotions, thoughts, fears were to the point and many if not all of us can relate to each one.

Did your wife ever meet the man in real life or did it stay online only? My husband had a similar emotional affair but never met the woman....which I feel only fuels the "unfinished" feeling that this person is romantic ideal.

Everyone talks about the fog and the fantasy of all affairs and while that makes perfect sense it still totally sucks for the spouse who is as you said, is healing and mending at the same time. I don't know how to snap them out of it...because it feels like your trying to convince them that you are the better choice...which feels desperate to me but I understand the principles.

Just last night I was hit like with a bout of sadness thinking about all the years we have been together and that he was tossing that history aside for someone he knew a whole month...... it boggles the mind.

Thank you for sharing your words....they do provide comfort to know that we are not alone in these moments.... others feel and understand the pain.

Maybe someone can chime in with some points to discuss about your last issue---the feeling the spouse has to "find out if they are their soul male"--- in my case right after D-day, I gave up. Right away I was too discouraged to "fight" for my man and I didn't want to play second fiddle. I believed him when he said he loved her and wanted to try and see if he could find a way to be with her ( impossible odds since she lives in Iran) I basically bowed out and said "go for it" but in a nice way.......fast forward to reconciliation and counseling and our counselor says that was a wrong move and spouse agreed. He compared it to a person struggling with drug addiction and by me accepting his decision to pursue the "soul mate" akin to handing him the crack pipe?????

Doesn't it make more sense to let them go if they are determined????? It feels intuitive to do that, so that they can see that the fantasy isn't all it's cracked up to be.

07-16-2012, 02:28 PM	#12 (permalink)
daggeredheart Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 348	Re: Texting Affair I along with countless others could have written this post word for word. The way you described your emotions, thoughts, fears were to the point and many if not all of us can relate to each one. Did your wife ever meet the man in real life or did it stay online only? My husband had a similar emotional affair but never met the woman....which I feel only fuels the "unfinished" feeling that this person is romantic ideal. Everyone talks about the fog and the fantasy of all affairs and while that makes perfect sense it still totally sucks for the spouse who is as you said, is healing and mending at the same time. I don't know how to snap them out of it...because it feels like your trying to convince them that you are the better choice...which feels desperate to me but I understand the principles. Just last night I was hit like with a bout of sadness thinking about all the years we have been together and that he was tossing that history aside for someone he knew a whole month...... it boggles the mind. Thank you for sharing your words....they do provide comfort to know that we are not alone in these moments.... others feel and understand the pain. Maybe someone can chime in with some points to discuss about your last issue---the feeling the spouse has to "find out if they are their soul male"--- in my case right after D-day, I gave up. Right away I was too discouraged to "fight" for my man and I didn't want to play second fiddle. I believed him when he said he loved her and wanted to try and see if he could find a way to be with her ( impossible odds since she lives in Iran) I basically bowed out and said "go for it" but in a nice way.......fast forward to reconciliation and counseling and our counselor says that was a wrong move and spouse agreed. He compared it to a person struggling with drug addiction and by me accepting his decision to pursue the "soul mate" akin to handing him the crack pipe????? Doesn't it make more sense to let them go if they are determined????? It feels intuitive to do that, so that they can see that the fantasy isn't all it's cracked up to be.