Originally Posted by Racer
I should also mention that I do not believe there can ever be a full forgiveness when it comes to triggers. Sorry to the WS spouses out there, but a part of BS brain is now ‘wired’ for alerts and monitors actively. If 8 years from now I see a behavior or attitude that triggers memories of the affairs, they won’t be easily overlooked or dismissed. There will be confrontation and ramifications for no other reason than I know what happened last time. That’s just part of the experiences you introduced us to as it relates to who you are..... And yes, we might even go overboard; Excuse my paranoia and insanity. This is a traumatic life altering experience, there isn’t a ‘undo button’.
I don't really agree with this, only because of my situation. Have all the triggers disappeared? No, but they are so few and far between and the building we have done has paid off, so we both act and react to one another so much better. I noticed the H took some cash out and still used the debit card to buy his vitamins and protein. Two and a half years ago there would have been tears, questions, talking about the A, etc,etc. Now? Well he just did that today and all I asked was how much cash he still had on him? Does he need that much for lunches for the next couple weeks? He calmly explained how much he needed, and offered to put some in my wallet for the kids movie tomorrow. Much less of an ordeal now than it was. Ten minutes later we are flirting and laughing together.