believer

Hi Cooper - thanks for checking in. Regarding your most previous thread about your wife surprising you about your son on your birthday. guess that will be a bday you'll never forget. Once you heard the news, did you ever ask her/remind her about your previuos conversation about not having any more kids? If so, what did she say? Or did you let it go & be the supportive "new" dad?

Do you feel that "deceit/trick" was a turning point in your marriage? Sometimes it is easier to look back in hind sight & see where we went wrong or when things started to change. But sometimes we may not be able to see it until we are out of a relationship ( or I can even relate this to my previuos job situation too. Until I was pretty much forced out _ I was going to prove to my boss that I could do it & prove him wrong - guess what I lost. But was sooo relieved when I finally left but couldn't see it at the time. Then we can look back & say "why" did we stay in it for so long?
I look at my parents relationship & wonder why are they together still. They are a still married but that is about it. Neither of my parents are happy being together & just about everyone knows it. The next time my mom comes to visit I plan to ask her why they/she stayed together? And does she regret it?

Then I look at my situation, and wonder, do I want to end up like my parents - living in a lovesless marriage & not truely being happy for the rest of my life? And the answer is no - I have plenty of good years ahead & want & originally hoped I would be spending them with my husband. I now need to decide do I stay & live unhapplily but married or leave & risk the "comfort" of marriage but be able to live a happy & full life. And God willing I meet someone down the road that I can trust ( which won't be easy for me or you) in the future & share my life with.
I know in my head what I should do - if anyone read our stories in black & white it is pretty straightforward what we should do. But there are emotions involved which are not as black & white. Also, it is taking action that is harder to do then just thinking or talking about it.
I need to meet with my therapist to help guide me on my next move. In my "hope" that this might work out differently, I have only told 2 family members. So don't have super strong support system in place at the moment.
As I mentioned in one of my responses - about the "found receipt" - I haven't even asked hime about it. Partly because I don't expect an honest answer & even if he did give me one, I would have a hard time believing. And 2nd, I have to be ready to take action on it, or otherwise, I am allowing him to disrespect me & our marriage again. And I not quite ready to end yet but ever sooo close.
I had mentioned to Swedish -that the only last resort I can possibly think of - is to ask my husband to go to therapy & find out why he lies, why does he seek out these other relationships, etc. Because if he doesn't figure it out , we will have problems again if we stay or in his next relationship. But I am not really sure if I want to or am willing to wait around for him to figure those things out. Plus, not even sure if he would go talk to anyone.

So same as before, still in limbo regarding making any final decisions, but leaning more towards ending it at this point.
What about you Cooper - are you ready to take any more actions at this point or are you still sorting through all the emotions & weighing the pros & cons of each scenario?
As usual - hope you are doing well, thanks for you concern & I'll keep you posted, as I hope you will do the same on your situation.
good nite.