| | HELP! - 12 year old daughter issues
How do I begin? My husband and I have 3 kids, ages 12, 9 and 5. Our oldest, a 12yr old girl, is bright and social. She is well rounded and is willing to try new experiences but still is looking for her passion. Last year she volunteered almost 90 hours to community service because she wanted to.
All this aside, we are having issues with her. I am finding it difficult to trust her word. Most recently I emptied out a bag of hers that she brings regularly to our pool club and found some items of which the origins were unknown to me. Sunglasses, a LOT of candy wrappers and some fake gems.
The sun glasses she found at the pool club. I made her bring them back and put them in the lost and found. I don't abide by finders keepers, losers weepers.
She told me the candy wrappers were from last year. Um, gross and not a chance! She has been buying candy from the snack bar and bringing home the wrappers instead of throwing them away. I usually pack food, lunch and snacks, and require the kids to ask before buying. Where is she getting the money from anyway? This has been an issue in the past - I have found food wrappers in her bedroom... under her pillow, next to her bed, in her desk... I don't allow food in the bedrooms and I don't like sneaking.
The fake gems... When I asked her about it she "couldn't remember" until I revoked all electronic privileges and sent her to her room until she could remember. That took about 5 minutes till she confessed. Apparently she picked them up at a 2nd hand store and was going to ask me, but I was preoccupied so she put them in her pocket and forgot about them. Ugh! I want to be able to trust her. I am seeking honesty from her. And I worry about where this can lead to as she gets older.
Can anyone offer any insight for me? Ideas? How would you deal? These examples come from a 1 day incident of my cleaning out her bag. I want to be able to trust her and I want her to be a contributing member to society.
There are other issues we deal with as well, but not ones that break our trust. They include not being able to tolerate eating noises from family (not friends), acting annoyed and wanting to be alone and away from family, but I see some of these in other kids and seem to be normal growing pains.
Thank you all so much for reading and commenting.