Ok, so this is my first time doing something like this. I guess it's come to a point where I need some outside advice. Everyone I know is too close to the situation. So, here it goes....
I'm 26 years old and have been married to my husband, 25, now for 8 months. We have been together almost 6 years total. Our relationship moved fast in the beginning. We lived with eachother within months of meeting. I had felt a connection with him instantly. We were very happy in the beginning. To me, he was like a dream come true. I've had some emotionally and physicllay draining relationships in the past and it was nice to finally have someone want to take care of me.
Over time, things took a turn. I can't really pin point when it happened exactly, but I know we lossed some key things in our relationship along the way. We lost respect, we lost trust, we lost intimacy, but we still hung in there, because we loved eachother. But, like they say, sometimes love is not enough. I think that part of me has denied it in fear of having to start over, in fear of making the wrong decision to give up on my relationship. I know relationships are not easy and it takes work. But when is enough, enough? When is it time to move on? I think that I have fallen out of love with my husband, and I don't know if I can get that back. Sometimes you go passed a certain point in your relationship, where all is lost, but how do you know if you have reached that point and given it your all? I love my husband, but I just don't think I'm in love with him anymore like I used to be.
Here are our issues:
- Failure to communicate - he never seems to understand what I'm trying to say and vice versa.
- Aggressive Communication - sometimes my husband puts down my family or says things about my past to hurt me (This is where I lost respect)
- Different socially - I'm and Extrovert, He's an Introvert
- Different Professions - Hard to relate to eachother on this
- Different Cultures - This causes us to look at our roles differently.
- Because of our social differences - my husband does not like when I drink out with friends. His argument is that I can't control myself when I drink and don't know when to stop. - This is his main problem with me.
- Inactive Sex Life - I just never seem to want it. The feeling is just not there. It was not always like that.
My husband may also be threatened by my independence. He comes from a very macho culture where the man works hard and brings home the money and the wife is expected to take care of the home and kids. I worked my ass off in school to graduate and get a good career. I can take care of myself, but I know he wants me to need him. I just look at it differently then he does. And in retrospect, I don't think I'm a bad woman. I cook, I clean, I work, and I'm home every night with him, except for the occasional night out. But sometimes I feel like the things I do for him are never enough. He complains sometimes when I'm not home to make his dinner....But I know that, that's what he was used to growing up. And don't get me wrong, my husband is a good man. I did fall in love with him for a reason. He's a hard worker, he is reliable and loyal, he is a good supporter, he is attractive, very family oriented....I just don't know that we are good together! We can't seem to get over each other's faults.
We are both stubborn and we have both tried to change, but ultimately end up right back to square one. We keep having the same argument over and over and I don't know if it will ever change.
Recently I have been talking to someone else, someone I have known for a while, someone I care for, but this person has shown me that starting over...really wouldn't be that hard and that I could find happiness again. I have not gotten physical, but the emotion is there. But I think this is kind of giving me the push that I needed.
My ultimate worry is that I make the wrong decision to soon! But is it really too soon?