well i tried to do a search on this topic but sex is a 3 letter word ha ha. so ill start of my first post on this topic seeing that its the cause of my marriage problems.
my wife and i have no sex life. well not entirely but 3-4 times per year does not count as a sex life to me. i dont think that it counts as a sex life to her either. we have discussed it and she admits that is not healthy but refuses to do anything about it. she claims that it is normal and only a phase. but, its been a rather long phase. the problem started just before marriage. prior to marriage our sex life would have made an adult film star blush. but about 6 months before our wedding the sex ended. we did have a few arguments over it and i was feeling that maybe marriage was the wrong thing for us. she claimed it was the stress of planing a wedding and i was trying to be understanding and believed her. well after marriage it continued first it was school then work, then my work or the place we lived the furniture my new job, her lack of a job... well you get the idea it was everything but her. please dont jump to conclusions and think that i was all out blaming her for the problem, i did take all of her considerations seriously. i made more of an effort to add extra romance and the other stuff that she used as part of the blame game. i followed all the rules for marriage conflict and still do (haha). though i never out and out blamed her i did continue to complain about our sex life. well after about 2 years we decided to have children. well you can imagine the argument that ensued when i tried to explain to her that the only way we were going to make a baby was by having sex. after about 1 year of no children she finally took my advice and had sex with me more than once in a month and we were pregnant.
so no sex for 9 months except at the end when she read that sex could induce labor so we had sex 2-3 times during the last week or so. well no sex again but hey i realized that was normal. at first she did want sex after she was feeling better in her nether regions (im glad im a guy
i think it was only to assure herself that everything still worked because it didn't last long. babies are hard work so i could understand why no sex but i did just as much work as she and i didn't loose my libido. then the same excuses came to light, the house, the job, the furniture (that one i could never really understand) blah blah blah. im aware of hormone levels and body views and all that stuff. im still here in the marriage so im very understanding.
after some discussions about the sex she decided to give it a whirl. well ooops not sure exactly what happened.... pregnant again. one time? ugghhh and it wasn't pleasurable at all and she made me quit in the middle. 9 months again and then about 1 year "to heal" i got so tired of hearing im still healing. and this is the the insult all the while she kept telling me that she was still healing, she was masturbating. i remember asking her to just include me in... but it was a moot subject.
7 years later nothing has really changed. we had sex in february (cause she wanted it) and in october last year we had sex 6 times. an idea she had read about, about never saying no. we had tried it once before kids (when it wa my suggestion it was bunk) it didnt last, we had sex once and the next day she said no. other than last october we have only had sex because she has wanted it. i make her mad if i even suggest having sex. she will say im pressuring her or making her feel uncomfortable, that i need to take it slow. please trust me when i say there is no amount of slowness slow enough for her... ive tried.
we talk alot. most people would say that we have the best relationship. that they wish their marriage was as strong as ours. and its not a facade i truely love my wife.. no im not smothering, i give her lots of space, she can and will do what ever she wants, we are truely best friends.
but still i cannot relieve myself of the inner depression that my sex life ended at age 27. my wife got very depressed and insecure when i stopped chasing her for sex last fall. it funny how she complained and got angry that i was pressuring her so when i quit she gets upset thinking i dont love her anymore, or am cheating. thats what spurred the never say no thing last october. another thing that has bothered me is that she always brags and claims that we have such a healthy/happy sex life to her friends. it has been very depressing to me and ive explained my feelings to her the really bad thing now is that im starting to not really care.....
13 years of marriage...