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Sara8 · 07-23-2012, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blindsideddad

I've been here on TAM since the beginning of June. My first post was in "Considering D or Sep", then it moved to "going thru Separation."

Now I'm here. Please don't welcome me!!

So the wife is fully in the fog. she is lying to everyone. she is lost. I have hard evidence re EA. not sure, but PA is likely, though short lived. I am seeing a therapist at least 2 times a week for the past 3 weeks since I found the evidence, trying to both work on myself, and approach this constructively instead of destructively. W knows I suspect, as I told her. She does not know that I have evidence. At this point, she is even texting and phoning him- on our family plan. she is lost, and maybe wants to get caught.

As part of her separation from me, she is currently taking our 2 kids on a vacation to visit her mother. The OM is half way across the country. She is going thru some very dark emotional times, and I can see it rubbing off on the kids. This makes me extremely angry. she is neglecting the kids in her fog, and they are worse off for it.

I am trying my hardest not to go public with the information yet. On the advice of my IC, our MC, and for the fact that if it blows up, and I am not there for the kids, they will suffer.

But I am so d**m P****d off right now. she is lost in the fog, so as a human, I feel terrible for her, and I feel a certain amount of empathy for her pain. But she is treating everyone she contacts like a POS, lying to friends, family, the kids, and of course me.

I've got to hold it in for another week. I am working out alot, taking ownership of the house- painting the kid's bedroom, re-arranging furniture, possibly re-decorating a little. hanging out with friends, and talking with close family. working with IC.

I talk to the kids every day, they are tough, and will get thru another week.

At first, I wanted to reconcile, as I still believed in love, and for the kids. this is slipping, and I am beginning to doubt her ability to look at her actions. but I don't want to make any emotional decisions, especially before I can constructively approach this.

Please, I need support. not sure how, or in what form, but I am feeling scared, frustrated and angry. all normal, i realize, but I am close to blowing this up, and intellectually, I know that now is not the time. there is no rush.

Gather your evidence and expose her.

I regret not doing this early on.

For months I had to swallow poop every time some mutual friend would tell me what a great nice guy I was married too, yadda yadda.

Sometimes I squelched myself other times I would ask them why they though he was such a great nice guy?

Usually, thy would look surprised and start sputtering. I also asked them how well they knew him and that caused more sputtering.

In any case, I wish I had exposed the affair to the OWs spouse immediately as well as to friends and family.

I know the counselors say not to, but really, I think this caused a lot of harm to my mind because I had to act normal in front of everyone while my heart was crushed and bleeding.