Originally Posted by Dadof3greatkids
My wife recently told me that her parents fought all the time when she was growing up. Her dad appears to be a borderline narcissist
it's hard to live with a person who says she does not love me and calls into question my character on a fairly frequent basis and uses it as an excuse for her unresolved issues.
Yes. This is called loving someone who has made themselves unlovable, usually due to a combination of self loathing and not having childhood needs met. She blames you for all the bad feelings that engulf and overwhelm her.
My observation is that all your troubled interactions are verbal. No hitting or throwing, staying out all night or staying in bed all day.
The first best thing you can do is get yourself into a frame of mind where nothing she says can affect you. This may take some doing, but only when you have developed an inner peace that cannot be rocked by anything she says, only then will you be able to provide the leadership needed to pull her out of the abyss of selfishness she has found herself falling into.