Dadof3greatkids

Thanks for the comments. Regarding bringing up divorce. When the whole "I don't even like you" incident happened, I spiraled out of control for a few weeks. I brought up divorce and she basically said "if that's what you want, fine." She is clearly torn and has a lot of mixed feelings. There was a time that our MC told me that "she might be looking for an excuse to get a divorce, don't give her one." We interact with her parents often. Her parents would be REALLY upset at her if she instituted a divorce and couldn't point to infidelity or something else concrete as a reason.

We have not talked about divorce in over a year and even then it was not a serious discussion.

For all my griping, I do love her. When things are good between us, they feel really good. That makes it all the more hurtful when she sinks down into a low and tells me "it's been 15 years of hell being married to you. No one could put up with this kind of abuse."

Re hormones. I think it is a little early for menopause. However, when she PMS's she is especially nutty. It got to the point that I used an iphone application (meant to measure times of fertility) to remind me when her PMS was about to begin! She was prescribed an anti-depressant to deal with this, but stopped taking it almost immediately. When I mentioned that maybe she should take it she basically said "You just want me drugged up..."

I am at a place now where I can disengage from her when she gets explosive. I am not hysterical like I was 16 months ago. I want to deal with this in a calm constructive way. I am seeing (alone) our MC tonight.

Another note - a couple of times when things get really bad and she has spiraled downward she has said that she feels bad for me - that maybe she can't give me the kind of love that I need and that maybe we are just too different from each other. (Further side note - I am the oldest child and my mom was extremely flattering and loving to me as a child and still is to this day. She is also affectionate towards my dad and often forgives his at times verbally abusive behavior by saying that he is a "good person"). I understand our backgrounds are very different on several levels, but I want to make this work, both for our own happiness and for the kids.