Originally Posted by Ten_year_hubby
Yes. This is called loving someone who has made themselves unlovable, usually due to a combination of self loathing and not having childhood needs met. She blames you for all the bad feelings that engulf and overwhelm her.
My observation is that all your troubled interactions are verbal. No hitting or throwing, staying out all night or staying in bed all day.
The first best thing you can do is get yourself into a frame of mind where nothing she says can affect you. This may take some doing, but only when you have developed an inner peace that cannot be rocked by anything she says, only then will you be able to provide the leadership needed to pull her out of the abyss of selfishness she has found herself falling into.
It is a case of detaching. The bond between a man and his wife can be massive, much like we have them inside of us, like a Matryoshka doll Matryoshka doll - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
. It’s the only way at the moment I can think of describing it.
Because they’re on the inside of us, they’re right under our skin, inside our boundaries, our defences. And while we’re holding them there they sure can cause us a lot of pain with their words.
That’s one of the reasons I like that book Awareness so very much. It helps us detach, separate such that they are no longer on the inside of us and we can therefore see them clearly. It takes a while though to make the separation such that we are an individual once again.