Hi there Swedish - how did you come up with that name? Are you scandinavian
?
Anyways - thanks for clarifying your situation - I couldn't really respond appropriately until I understood where you were at. I am so HAPPY for you that you & your husband are growing stronger. Unfortunate as it may be through such a devestating situation but you sound like you are one of the "statistics" that will make it and that is GREAT news!!
Are you 2 going to counseling or working through it on your own? Did you find out about the other woman or did your husband come to you & confess. If it was the latter - that is a good sign that he has a good conscience & wanted to be honest with you & try to fix things before they got too out of hand. Does he still work with the other woman? If that is the case, how do you handle that - I would imagine that is very difficult.
As I had mentioned previously, I had "hopes" that my husband would finally see the light once we seperated. I have thought about "what if we get back together" - how would I want things to be different & what could we do to make our marriage stronger. I was in that mind set up until a few weeks ago. I was thinking positively & had high hopes - I went on trusting him again & BAM got hurt again.
I guess if you/we don't risk, you/we would always wonder "what if" & might never know if you/we could have made it. We are ''risking" to possibly love again or we have to face that fact that we are also "risking" getting hurt again. Of course we are all hoping for the love a second time but it may just not be in the cards for us with that person. Same with you, you are risking by "trusting' your husband again, but at least he is showing signs & taking small steps to regain your trust.
Like you mentioned about the "statistics" of 2nd marriages - they aren't so great. Not only did I not want to make a "rash" decision but felt I needed to exhaust all my options to save the marriage before I made any decisions. But in the back of my head, those statistics kept me thinking, that I better try to work on marriage #1 because statistically -it has a better chance. Not that I am even ready or even thinking of another relationship at this stage - it plays into consideration when you look at the picture as a whole. Before I get into another relationship, I need to take time now to "get to know me" again - "I" got lost in being a good wife, mother, employee and now need to figure out what I like & what I want to do.
I am hoping by going through this self - discovery process. When it is time to consider a new relationship I know who I am and most importantly what I want from a relationship & can voice those needs more clearly. I think too many people go from 1 relationship to the other without doing that self - discovery process inbetween & fall into the same issues that plagued their 1st relationship.
How do you feel you ensured that you were ready for marriage #2? What did you do differently this time?
You & your husband will be in my thoughts & hopefully can be an inspiration to many people on this site that with lots of hard work & determination - you can recover from infidelity.