swedish

Yes I am, 1/2 of me anyway

I went to counseling on my own as I was in pretty bad shape at the time. She saw no need for marriage counseling because she thought we were handling rebuilding our marriage pretty well on our own.

I had feelings something was up for a few weeks...signs were there and I broke down one night and just told him how I was feeling about myself/us (nothing about the signs that he met someone else) and he ended it on his own the next day and left his cell phone home by accident. So I snooped and at that point he could not tell me anything worse than what was going through my mind, which is what I told him when he came home.

He told me everything at that point. Just knowing that I loved him and cared about him was enough for him to end it on his own before it became a full-blown physical affair but per him it was definitely headed in that direction. I also became a pretty good 24 hour PI and was able to gather enough information to feel comfortable that he was truthful...phone records, flowers that were sent to both of us on the same day so I could verify that it was all in the 2 week timeframe he said it went on. Wow, this is hard to write about even now.

And yes, he still works with her. When he ended it, it was a 'we can still be friends' thing and I told him they crossed the line to keep a friendship and I will never be comfortable until one of them leaves (which is still true) so he did send her a followup letter telling her he could not engage in any non-work discussions, etc.

Needed an extra counseling session the week of his office Christmas party. That was hard. He stayed by my side the whole night and she always seemed to be lurking nearby chugging beers leaving her date alone at the table...and I must say I looked smokin' hot and she looked all slouchy and frumpy so that part was soooo sweet When my husband had to set up for a presentation, she had the nerve to sit at our table and start chatting to a woman...I just turned my chair completely around and watched my husband.

In hindsight, he does take full responsibility for his actions but felt somewhat manipulated by her. While she talked about relationship issues with him, he only talked about issues with my kids and she slowly turned that to negative discussions about me. So now, the sight of her annoys him as he feels somewhat deceived but that's fine the sight of her annoys me too.

As far as risk, I think there's a fine line between needing to put yourself out there and being a doormat. I think it comes down to the other person and what they are willing to do to rebuild trust.

What was really missing from my first marriage was feeling loved and appreciated. I felt used and as if I had a 4th child to care for. I had no one to talk to, no emotional support, no support with parenting, finances, etc.

My husband now is quite the opposite. He is very loving and affectionate and although I have always been very independent I feel that he takes care of me. To this day he says the only issue he has ever had has been dealing with the kids...I can't imagine walking into my life with no parenting experience having kids ages 4,6,10 at the time. The more involved he has become the more he seems to like them He is now able to see how much they appreciate when he spends time with them and teaches them things. He has done that in the past, but more for me to give me a break, but now I can see that he is seeing the reward of helping them grow. We feel like a family now.