swedish

They may be totally separate issues, but the common thread is that you are seeking a void to be filled that isn't being filled within the marriage, whether physical or emotional.

If your resistance and drinking have driven her to seek support elsewhere I would think your top priority should be to deal with the drinking and when you are able to speak to her about everything focus on her void (you not being there for her emotionally if that is the case) and what you will do going forward if given the chance. This will take a lot of time. She was already distant and finding out about your indiscretion may be the nail in the coffin. I think you need to take it slow and be very understanding of where she is emotionally & forget the goal of 'winning her back' but instead focus on mending her heart.