scotty

for us intamacy is not a problem. for the last year there has been no reaching out from me for sex. maybe even longer than a year. more like two years. i still feel frustrated though i no longer ask or even slightly make any move towards any sexual contact ie. the private parts. comunication is not a problem (unless it involves our sex life). and that is why ive decided to post here. everything that i read always involves talking about things and communication and doing date type things together etc. we are not lacking in any of those areas. it is frustrating to find all info about a bad sex life to be geared to the idea that all men are emotional idiots and completely with out a clue on how to woo a women and make her feel special. to me it is the very heart of love that makes one act that way. if your behavior is not geared in that direction then i dont believe that you are in love with that person any more and yes you need help in finding that love again, if you so wish. think of all the dumb things that we all did as new lovers..... well they are not dumb when you are in love. they all make perfect sense. we still continue to do those stupid things together. that is why i stated earlier that most people envy our marriage and wonder how the two of us are able to continue to act like school kids together.

its also frustrating to hear friends say they have the same problems stating that they only have sex a couple times per month... no offense but that is not the same problem. its very frustrating to look at your wife naked or be cuddleing in bed together and know that you are not allowed to suggest verbaly or physically the idea of having intercourse or other play that involves our private parts. when she wants it well it a whole nother story. for instance she woke up horny about 2 years ago and lifted up her nightshirt in the kitchen and said "**** me" while she watched around the corner to make sure the kids didnt move from watching cartoons. its not a body image, the kids might hear, my mother will be here soon, im tired, wheres the foreplay, when was the last time you did something for me, problem. unless of course its my move, then every excuse comes into play. just about everytime we do have sex, afterwards she says wow we need to do this more often. YES, LETS DO THAT!

it is a viscious circle though, ive been through every scenario. see what will happen (not just in my life but in others) is she or he says no then the other feels rejected and looses the feeling of doing something for that person. i know men and women are different but imagine this scenario. wife says ya know ive been so busy and havent made love to my husband in weeks and i can tell that he is really feeling rejected. im going to really make an effort tonight to make him feel special. so she does it and the guy says "are ya fricking kidding me youve been ignoring me for the last two weeks, you gotta a lot of nerve to even think that i would want to get intimate with you" how would that woman feel? yet that is what some women will do to men all the time. i honestly think that when my wife has done that to me, its only because she is trying to take the guilt off herself. for instance she has said no way because of a silly argument that occured 6 months piror. but, heres the kicker we had sex twice during that time. ?

anytime i make a move sexually towrds her she will start a fight so, that she has a very good reason to say no.