Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

SGVT · 06-05-2008, 01:29 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years this month. We've had our ups and downs and been through a lot emotionally together. I am 23 and he is 22. We are both very mature for our age, hold stable jobs and purchased our own home last summer and are raising two dogs.

He will talk about babies easily. He will talk about when we get married this and that blah blah blah. If, however I try to have a serious marriage talk with him, he shuts down.

He told me several years ago we would get married by 2009, and that he will not propose until a year before we are planning to get married. He is the kind of guy that just buys me flowers for no reason, not when we have a fight or for an occasion, however I expected, if he was going to propose at all this year, he would have done it on our recent anniversary vacation to Washington DC. (We have to go early because of work and family graduations - I'm a reporter).

I has become a running joke at work that he won't pop the question. While I don't love him any less, I don't understand what the problem is. It's not a fear of commitment - the house is a HUGE commitment.

It's not lack of money for a ring - he's been talking of buying a motorcycle, which I have been adamantly against for his safety (and his lack of priorities!).

I also have a medical condition which does not give me the option to not have medical insurance because of unforeseen emergencies which could happen, and expensive medication. It's not life threating, but annoying and he's been there for me through it all. My company charges me over $30 per week to have insurance, which is an HMO and stinks to high heaven. His company has excellent benefits, and if we were married would cost him $2 a week to add me. It's free for him now.

Anyone have any advise on how to approach the subject further? I don't want to scare him or pressure him, but there are a lot of factors that I don't think he is considering.

And what about me asking him?

Any advise is greatly appreciated!
Thank you.

06-05-2008, 01:29 PM	#1 (permalink)
SGVT Registered User Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 2	Fear of marriage?? My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years this month. We've had our ups and downs and been through a lot emotionally together. I am 23 and he is 22. We are both very mature for our age, hold stable jobs and purchased our own home last summer and are raising two dogs. He will talk about babies easily. He will talk about when we get married this and that blah blah blah. If, however I try to have a serious marriage talk with him, he shuts down. He told me several years ago we would get married by 2009, and that he will not propose until a year before we are planning to get married. He is the kind of guy that just buys me flowers for no reason, not when we have a fight or for an occasion, however I expected, if he was going to propose at all this year, he would have done it on our recent anniversary vacation to Washington DC. (We have to go early because of work and family graduations - I'm a reporter). I has become a running joke at work that he won't pop the question. While I don't love him any less, I don't understand what the problem is. It's not a fear of commitment - the house is a HUGE commitment. It's not lack of money for a ring - he's been talking of buying a motorcycle, which I have been adamantly against for his safety (and his lack of priorities!). I also have a medical condition which does not give me the option to not have medical insurance because of unforeseen emergencies which could happen, and expensive medication. It's not life threating, but annoying and he's been there for me through it all. My company charges me over $30 per week to have insurance, which is an HMO and stinks to high heaven. His company has excellent benefits, and if we were married would cost him $2 a week to add me. It's free for him now. Anyone have any advise on how to approach the subject further? I don't want to scare him or pressure him, but there are a lot of factors that I don't think he is considering. And what about me asking him? Any advise is greatly appreciated! Thank you.