| | Putting on a brave face
Firstly would like to thank every one of you for taking the time to read this.
I have been lurking on here for the last few months, trying to find someoneís story/issue like mine or closely related to mineÖ.Married for 4 and half years going on 5 but this has been the longest 4 years of my life.
I married to someone whom I suspect, suffers from BPD and it is getting harder to make our marriage work every day. Iíve experienced everything from the guilt-trips to accusations of cheating or wanting to leave, the emotional abuse to the physical abuse to a point where Iíve been beat up and stabbed twice.
Have spoken to some spiritual leaders (I consider myself born-again) who has encouraged me to keep praying and to handle her with love and respect, but this is just getting too much for me. My wife has lost her job in 2011 due to budget-cuts and the economic downturn, so unfortunately we had to give up our house and move in with my mother to make ends meet. The last year has been extremely hard as I have had to play the mediator between my wife and mother and trying to keep our deteriorating marriage together. We have a toddler together and I am afraid that my son will be affected by her condition.
I have tried to convince her to attend counselling(Individually and as a couple) but she always says that she is not crazy and does not need another random man or woman to tell her whatís wrong in her life.
I live on eggshells, cannot do anything a normal man does without being cross-questioned, I can barely make use of my cell phone because Iíll accused of cheating, Iíve lost friends Iíve had for numerous years due to her actions.
God has been good to us in that Iíve gotten a raise in my salary and will be able to afford an apartment of our own. I am afraid for my life as the stabbing has taken place in my motherís home in front of my son, and I am afraid that this time I wonít make it out alive.
I am afraid of divorcing her because I will not see my son and I value my vows to her and God.
She can be a good wife if she wants to be and on her best days she can be the greatest wife on the face of the earth but when she explodes we have to run and dive for cover. I am slowly starting to resent her even though I don't want to, the thoughts of what has happened in the past keep flodding back with every argument we have. I have learnt over the years to control my temper and to not loose my call but when she attacks my personality I battle to keep my mouth shut which causes things to spiral out of control.
Any suggestions on how to make it out of this one alive will really help?