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tiptoe1969 · 07-31-2012, 12:10 PM

My husband has been having an EA/PA for close to one year now. We had gone back and forth with ideas of reconciliation within the year but to no avail he is still in the fog and can't stop his addiction to the other woman.

I have finally filed for divorce and he did not respond so the court date is set for a month from now.

We are separated and he has his own place. We had not talked for 2 months about our situation and had only talked about the kids. I am growing and changing and had felt really confident and positive about the future.

Well, a week ago he wanted to talk and I agreed. He talked about missing me and that he knows that he wants his family back but knows he is not ready. He also talks about how he knows the "other woman" is not a long term relationship but for some reason he still can not let her go.

This kinda gave me some hope although I know the divorce still needs to be finalized since I need to know he is with me for the right reasons(not kids, comfort, financial security). We started talking/texting more often without expectations. But now I feel like I have taken two steps back in my healing and growth. I feel like I am back where I started.

For those whose husbands/wifes who have come out of the fog and ended the affair and working through reconciliation, can you give advice on the strategies? It seems like I am doing a hybrid of the 180 and plan B. I get insecure and when he contacts me I can't be consistent and stick to plan. What really works? It is so difficult for me not to talk to him. We just keep going back and forth. It is as if I am fueling the affair by allowing him to be my friend. I am so lost and confused again.

07-31-2012, 12:10 PM	#1 (permalink)
tiptoe1969 Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 39	Strength and consistency My husband has been having an EA/PA for close to one year now. We had gone back and forth with ideas of reconciliation within the year but to no avail he is still in the fog and can't stop his addiction to the other woman. I have finally filed for divorce and he did not respond so the court date is set for a month from now. We are separated and he has his own place. We had not talked for 2 months about our situation and had only talked about the kids. I am growing and changing and had felt really confident and positive about the future. Well, a week ago he wanted to talk and I agreed. He talked about missing me and that he knows that he wants his family back but knows he is not ready. He also talks about how he knows the "other woman" is not a long term relationship but for some reason he still can not let her go. This kinda gave me some hope although I know the divorce still needs to be finalized since I need to know he is with me for the right reasons(not kids, comfort, financial security). We started talking/texting more often without expectations. But now I feel like I have taken two steps back in my healing and growth. I feel like I am back where I started. For those whose husbands/wifes who have come out of the fog and ended the affair and working through reconciliation, can you give advice on the strategies? It seems like I am doing a hybrid of the 180 and plan B. I get insecure and when he contacts me I can't be consistent and stick to plan. What really works? It is so difficult for me not to talk to him. We just keep going back and forth. It is as if I am fueling the affair by allowing him to be my friend. I am so lost and confused again.