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Soulseeker · 06-06-2008, 11:16 AM

" I had to condition him to respond to me the way I needed him to. It is kind of funny now that I look back how much we changed and intertwined in a beautiful way. For me your boyfriend sounds like a keeper

If he is a great guy in every other way, you can learn to apprieciate when he answers you with a solution that he is (in his own heart) supporting you emotionally. "

Thanks for your response, Happilymarried67. I am wondering what you did to "condition" you husband to respond to you how you needed? I have had many discussions with my BF about ways in which he could respond that would truly let me know he was "hearing" and "feeling" me. He does not like to talk about emotions and seems to get scared when I have an emotion, especially when I am sad or angry about something. I don't act crazy or anything when I am upset, so it is kind of bizarre to me that even a quite normative reaction to life stressors would make him so uncomfortable. You should see his face when I ask him if we could "have a chat"!!!!!

Anyways, I DO think he is a wonderful man, we have a lot in common and do tend to have fun together. He has challenged me to try new things and not be such a wuss about things. And yet, although I have let myself be vulnerable with him, trying new things and stepping out of my comfort zone on many occasions, I can't get him to "let me in" emotionally. I have been growing emotionally, especially in the last year since I have been to my own counseling, and I want him to be on the same level or at least close.

I plan on having a "chat" with him tonight. He was not liking the idea of doing it last night, because he said he would "be thinking of stuff all night", so he wouldn't sleep well. I agreed with him, it had been a long day for the both of us, so we postponed it until tonight or sometime this weekend. He asked what I wanted to talk about and I told him I wanted to talk about how to improve our communication skills and work on stuff in our relationship. And just to give everyone some perspective, we have done a couples "inventory" last year. We sat down and each wrote down what we needed/wanted in the relationship, both from the other and the relationship as a whole. We also talked about what each of us was willing to work on, for the good of the other person and the relationship. At that time, it really did help us, which is why we are still together now. I'm hoping that by doing something similar, our relationship can be helped again!

Any other suggestions would be great! Anybody have a suggestion on a couples workbook?

06-06-2008, 11:16 AM	#4 (permalink)
Soulseeker Registered User Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 5	Re: Can't connect emotionally... " I had to condition him to respond to me the way I needed him to. It is kind of funny now that I look back how much we changed and intertwined in a beautiful way. For me your boyfriend sounds like a keeper If he is a great guy in every other way, you can learn to apprieciate when he answers you with a solution that he is (in his own heart) supporting you emotionally. " Thanks for your response, Happilymarried67. I am wondering what you did to "condition" you husband to respond to you how you needed? I have had many discussions with my BF about ways in which he could respond that would truly let me know he was "hearing" and "feeling" me. He does not like to talk about emotions and seems to get scared when I have an emotion, especially when I am sad or angry about something. I don't act crazy or anything when I am upset, so it is kind of bizarre to me that even a quite normative reaction to life stressors would make him so uncomfortable. You should see his face when I ask him if we could "have a chat"!!!!! Anyways, I DO think he is a wonderful man, we have a lot in common and do tend to have fun together. He has challenged me to try new things and not be such a wuss about things. And yet, although I have let myself be vulnerable with him, trying new things and stepping out of my comfort zone on many occasions, I can't get him to "let me in" emotionally. I have been growing emotionally, especially in the last year since I have been to my own counseling, and I want him to be on the same level or at least close. I plan on having a "chat" with him tonight. He was not liking the idea of doing it last night, because he said he would "be thinking of stuff all night", so he wouldn't sleep well. I agreed with him, it had been a long day for the both of us, so we postponed it until tonight or sometime this weekend. He asked what I wanted to talk about and I told him I wanted to talk about how to improve our communication skills and work on stuff in our relationship. And just to give everyone some perspective, we have done a couples "inventory" last year. We sat down and each wrote down what we needed/wanted in the relationship, both from the other and the relationship as a whole. We also talked about what each of us was willing to work on, for the good of the other person and the relationship. At that time, it really did help us, which is why we are still together now. I'm hoping that by doing something similar, our relationship can be helped again! Any other suggestions would be great! Anybody have a suggestion on a couples workbook?