Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

BL@23hope · 08-06-2012, 08:04 AM

I am so sad and don't know how to get beyond it................

Ok me and my husband have been married for 3 years next month. We are 6 months into a reconciliation. We split up 1 year ago for 5 months becasue we was lost and not getting along, we both copped out and disrespected the marriage so we had nowhere else to go but apart. 5 months away made me realize the split was petty and if there was proper communication in the marriage that probably wouldnt of happened. I decided to fight for my marriage and somehow we both came together on that decision and we have been good since.We moved away almost like a fresh start.

Saturday was our first time coming back to the old neighborhood for a family birthday/barbecue. I am aware that during our 5 month split there was someone else just like I did date a little during our split as well but that was then or so I thought.

We got there at 6pm sometime around 11:30pm I am noticing this woman looking at me so I am looking at her trying to figure out whats going on. The barbecue is in the back of the house and I am on the porch. Now I am very aware at this moment of the fact the person my husband dated during our seperation doesnt live far from the cook out but never in a million years did I think she would be sitting out side just a few feet from me. Though I noticed her checking me out I didn't say antyhing becasue I didn't know what the situation was.

I go back in the back to the cook out and notice she comes back to the back 20 min later with a group of other women. No one said anything including my husband so I figured maybe I was just being paranoid. 10 min later they walk pass us and the girl who was watching me outside asks my best friend if thats her man (refering to my husband) he gets up and says that enough we leaving. I am totally confused but it starts dawing on me that this has gotta be the woman he dated during our seperation and I was pissed. His best friend came over and asked me to come with him in the kitchen and this girl and the group of women exited the backyard talking all kind of crap, I was steaming mad for many many reasons. 1) how long had she been there eating, drinking and partying with friends and family as if she belonged there 2) How come I was the last to figure out she was there 3) I felt utterly and totally disrespected first by my husband and secondly by his family. He had an obligation to me to keep me in the loop specially on something like this. I would never be sitting and partying with a woman who slept with my husband someone should of told me and if my mother in law or husband saw her they should of asked her to leave... I felt totally blind sided by this event. Everyone knew what she looked like except me, I feel I looked like an idiot to be sitting there having fun when this woman was somewhere in the crowd pretending to be part of the family. I feel betrayed by husband. He says he never saw her until she walked past with her family and thats when he announced we were leaving. Really? Someone got on the dj mike and asked them to leave but why wait til it was at a 9 to ask her to leave. As we are heading to the front the people she is with are blocking her from walking over to me as if she was gonna do something to me. That didnt intimidate me at all I told them let her go then my husband and his cousin reminded me that we were there to celebrate his sisters birthday that it could not escalate to a fight. By then it was 1am and we were done we left but its been really chilly in my house since saturday. Am I wrong for feeling disrespected? The confort I had with his family died on saturday. How dare they have this woman mingling in the yard and no one let me know or hell just ask her to leave. The 1st person who should have is my husband then his mom or sister becasue aparently they know how she looks. His family not stopping this situation while it was at a 3 and letting it get to a level 8 hurts but I didn't marry them I married my husband. His part hurts more then anything. You don't see a woman show up you know has a grudge becasue you cut her off and came back to me and see her with a group of women and not bring me into the loop, thats putting me in harms way. He says once he did see her he was ready to go at that point he says he didn't want to start drama at his moms house on his sisters birthday but I cant understand why we left when it is our family......

Just still really hurt and disappointed by the people I call family and mostly by my husband who should of had my back. I feel instead of getting up and announcing we are leaveing he should have gave me a heads up the minute he noticed she was there then quietly asked her to leave and let her know she was not welcome there. Then if she tried to cause a commotion together we could have made the decision to leave or stay or how to deal with it so not to upset the family event. Isn't that what marriage is about having each others back and working together...... I feel left out there by him and don't know how to get over it...

08-06-2012, 08:04 AM	#1 (permalink)
BL@23hope Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: New Jersey Posts: 50	The Confrontation I am so sad and don't know how to get beyond it................ Ok me and my husband have been married for 3 years next month. We are 6 months into a reconciliation. We split up 1 year ago for 5 months becasue we was lost and not getting along, we both copped out and disrespected the marriage so we had nowhere else to go but apart. 5 months away made me realize the split was petty and if there was proper communication in the marriage that probably wouldnt of happened. I decided to fight for my marriage and somehow we both came together on that decision and we have been good since.We moved away almost like a fresh start. Saturday was our first time coming back to the old neighborhood for a family birthday/barbecue. I am aware that during our 5 month split there was someone else just like I did date a little during our split as well but that was then or so I thought. We got there at 6pm sometime around 11:30pm I am noticing this woman looking at me so I am looking at her trying to figure out whats going on. The barbecue is in the back of the house and I am on the porch. Now I am very aware at this moment of the fact the person my husband dated during our seperation doesnt live far from the cook out but never in a million years did I think she would be sitting out side just a few feet from me. Though I noticed her checking me out I didn't say antyhing becasue I didn't know what the situation was. I go back in the back to the cook out and notice she comes back to the back 20 min later with a group of other women. No one said anything including my husband so I figured maybe I was just being paranoid. 10 min later they walk pass us and the girl who was watching me outside asks my best friend if thats her man (refering to my husband) he gets up and says that enough we leaving. I am totally confused but it starts dawing on me that this has gotta be the woman he dated during our seperation and I was pissed. His best friend came over and asked me to come with him in the kitchen and this girl and the group of women exited the backyard talking all kind of crap, I was steaming mad for many many reasons. 1) how long had she been there eating, drinking and partying with friends and family as if she belonged there 2) How come I was the last to figure out she was there 3) I felt utterly and totally disrespected first by my husband and secondly by his family. He had an obligation to me to keep me in the loop specially on something like this. I would never be sitting and partying with a woman who slept with my husband someone should of told me and if my mother in law or husband saw her they should of asked her to leave... I felt totally blind sided by this event. Everyone knew what she looked like except me, I feel I looked like an idiot to be sitting there having fun when this woman was somewhere in the crowd pretending to be part of the family. I feel betrayed by husband. He says he never saw her until she walked past with her family and thats when he announced we were leaving. Really? Someone got on the dj mike and asked them to leave but why wait til it was at a 9 to ask her to leave. As we are heading to the front the people she is with are blocking her from walking over to me as if she was gonna do something to me. That didnt intimidate me at all I told them let her go then my husband and his cousin reminded me that we were there to celebrate his sisters birthday that it could not escalate to a fight. By then it was 1am and we were done we left but its been really chilly in my house since saturday. Am I wrong for feeling disrespected? The confort I had with his family died on saturday. How dare they have this woman mingling in the yard and no one let me know or hell just ask her to leave. The 1st person who should have is my husband then his mom or sister becasue aparently they know how she looks. His family not stopping this situation while it was at a 3 and letting it get to a level 8 hurts but I didn't marry them I married my husband. His part hurts more then anything. You don't see a woman show up you know has a grudge becasue you cut her off and came back to me and see her with a group of women and not bring me into the loop, thats putting me in harms way. He says once he did see her he was ready to go at that point he says he didn't want to start drama at his moms house on his sisters birthday but I cant understand why we left when it is our family...... Just still really hurt and disappointed by the people I call family and mostly by my husband who should of had my back. I feel instead of getting up and announcing we are leaveing he should have gave me a heads up the minute he noticed she was there then quietly asked her to leave and let her know she was not welcome there. Then if she tried to cause a commotion together we could have made the decision to leave or stay or how to deal with it so not to upset the family event. Isn't that what marriage is about having each others back and working together...... I feel left out there by him and don't know how to get over it...