Originally Posted by wlb551
I have only been married for a few months. Before we were married, I knew that he liked anal play with toys but now he has joined one of the websites to look for a man. He originally said he would like for us both to use it -- but I never asked for that nor wanted it. I don't have anyone to talk about this either. When I came across your post while looking for a solution, I thought I would drop a line. Any ideas?
I agree with some of the other threads I found that forbidding it may only cause another set of problems.
What are your thoughts about this? Are you OK with a marriage that includes, with set boundaries, sexual relationships with other people? Would this meet your needs, too?
If the answer to these questions is no, then I think you need to tell your partner that this isn't going to work for you.
If the answer is yes or maybe, then look into your own desires--what do you want? Non-traditional marriages can be successful (I have one going on 13 years!). But you have to be clear about boundaries, what you want, and what your intentions are.
It might be helpful to visit a polyamory or open marriage forum to get some advice from people who have been there. I have not found that this forum really gives much space for this kind of discussion (which is fine--that's the way this forum is, and there are others for that purpose).
Also, I think you really need to discuss with your husband why he wants this. Has he always known he is bi? If he has, then why didn't he discuss this with you before? I think you need to let him speak, without judgment, and hear exactly where he is in terms of the relationship and what he wants out of it.