Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

amelia13 · 06-10-2008, 09:37 PM

Hello. I'm new to this group. I'm new to marriage support as a whole. But I need people to talk to. I need someone to tell me that they can relate. Or that it will be ok.

Here's my story. It is long. I know. Please read it. Please help me.

My husband and I have known each other since elementary school. We were the best of friends through HS and my first year of college/his first year in the Marines. Time passed, and we lost touch. He married... she cheated when he was in Iraq. I dated jerk after jerk... and got tired of it. In May of 2005, after 2 years of no contact, I found him through MySpace and learned he was in Iraq. He told me about his wife cheating... I told him about all the jerks I managed to get tangled up with. He came home, we got together, he divorced his wife, and we've been together ever since.

We married in October of 2006 after a year long engagment, which included another 7 month long tour to Iraq.

In April of 2007, we had our "wedding" as scheduled (had to get married earlier than expected due to him recieving orders to Okinawa, Japan), and then got on an airplane for Okinawa in May.

We were in Okinawa, getting settled in to our first home together, getting settled into new surroundings, getting settled into a new unit... when I found out I was pregnant.

While I was pregnant, I found him looking at pornography SEVERAL times and he promised he'd stop. He didn't. He "hid" files on the computer, which I DID find. He went to a stipclub behind my back, and lied to me about it, even after I found out. He even bought himself a lapdance. This is extremely out of character for him. All of his friends assured me this.

Here I am, 6 months pregnant at this point, and totally devistated. I already feel fat and unattractive, and then he goes and pulls this?

On top of that... he doesn't want to have sex with me. I figured it was because I looked like a cow, and wasn't my nice little size 5 anymore.

Well, we had our baby in February. And things were fine...

Until it was time to have sex again.

It's been 4 months since our son was born, and we've only had sex twice. And in that 4 months, I flew back to the States for a month, so we had no physical contact at all for a month. You'd think that a guy would want some nookie after a month of nothing.

Well... he DOESN'T I've been home for 2 weeks and he hasn't expressed interest in being intimate with me.

I realize I'm still not back to my size 5. I realize I have saggy boobs now. I realize I have "service stripes of pregnancy". I KNOW I am not the same as what I was. And him not being interested in me has really made my self-esteem drop even more.

I can't handle this anymore.

What guy doesn't want to have sex with his wife. NONE of my friends can relate because their husbands hound them for it everynight!

I am getting extremely depressed. I have a baby to take care of and don't have the time to pitty myself. However, I can't ignore it anymore. It hurts. I really, truly hurts.

We decided to sign up for marriage counseling, and our first session is next Thursday.

Any advice in the meantime?

06-10-2008, 09:37 PM	#1 (permalink)
amelia13 Registered User Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Okinawa, Japan Posts: 8	Newlyweds without sex Hello. I'm new to this group. I'm new to marriage support as a whole. But I need people to talk to. I need someone to tell me that they can relate. Or that it will be ok. Here's my story. It is long. I know. Please read it. Please help me. My husband and I have known each other since elementary school. We were the best of friends through HS and my first year of college/his first year in the Marines. Time passed, and we lost touch. He married... she cheated when he was in Iraq. I dated jerk after jerk... and got tired of it. In May of 2005, after 2 years of no contact, I found him through MySpace and learned he was in Iraq. He told me about his wife cheating... I told him about all the jerks I managed to get tangled up with. He came home, we got together, he divorced his wife, and we've been together ever since. We married in October of 2006 after a year long engagment, which included another 7 month long tour to Iraq. In April of 2007, we had our "wedding" as scheduled (had to get married earlier than expected due to him recieving orders to Okinawa, Japan), and then got on an airplane for Okinawa in May. We were in Okinawa, getting settled in to our first home together, getting settled into new surroundings, getting settled into a new unit... when I found out I was pregnant. While I was pregnant, I found him looking at pornography SEVERAL times and he promised he'd stop. He didn't. He "hid" files on the computer, which I DID find. He went to a stipclub behind my back, and lied to me about it, even after I found out. He even bought himself a lapdance. This is extremely out of character for him. All of his friends assured me this. Here I am, 6 months pregnant at this point, and totally devistated. I already feel fat and unattractive, and then he goes and pulls this? On top of that... he doesn't want to have sex with me. I figured it was because I looked like a cow, and wasn't my nice little size 5 anymore. Well, we had our baby in February. And things were fine... Until it was time to have sex again. It's been 4 months since our son was born, and we've only had sex twice. And in that 4 months, I flew back to the States for a month, so we had no physical contact at all for a month. You'd think that a guy would want some nookie after a month of nothing. Well... he DOESN'T I've been home for 2 weeks and he hasn't expressed interest in being intimate with me. I realize I'm still not back to my size 5. I realize I have saggy boobs now. I realize I have "service stripes of pregnancy". I KNOW I am not the same as what I was. And him not being interested in me has really made my self-esteem drop even more. I can't handle this anymore. What guy doesn't want to have sex with his wife. NONE of my friends can relate because their husbands hound them for it everynight! I am getting extremely depressed. I have a baby to take care of and don't have the time to pitty myself. However, I can't ignore it anymore. It hurts. I really, truly hurts. We decided to sign up for marriage counseling, and our first session is next Thursday. Any advice in the meantime? __________________ ~Amelia~ "Tomorrow is a new day"