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Detaching from Narcissistic husband.

13K views 56 replies 14 participants last post by  Readytogo 
#1 ·
I am emotional tonight so thought I would write out my feelings and thoughts.

I was so not myself today, that I even made a post on here earlier that after I went back and read,, I could not believe my head let me type it out... it's deleted now,, but talk about feeling stupid and ashamed that I would think that low. ( thanks iheartlife for the reality check)...

I am working on detaching from my H... have not told him that I want a D yet. I know this sounds easy for ones that have done this already, but I am having a hard time with it. Not that I am doubting my decision,, it's just getting the guts to do it.

I have been under his control for 10 years, and being Co-dependent it makes it hard to break away.

Dealing with emotional abuse for the most part around 5 years that I can remember anyway.. he has succeeded in shredding my self confidence and esteem.. and my ability to know how "I" really feel, instead of how he wanted me to feel.
Why do I feel like I am about to have an anxiety attack when I play in my head the thought of me standing in front of him with those 4 words?

I have read articles and books and stories of the benefits of breaking free from a Narcissist,,, but it's harder than I could of ever imagined. And the saddest part is,, I still feel bad about hurting his feelings. After all he has put me through, why am I so weak and worried about him? When I know I should only be worrying about me?

I was talking to a friend earlier that doubted my ability to go through with it. Did not know why I would still want to talk and have him answer questions about things I found from past computer use during his EA's. I told them that it would help with my closure, to know "some" truth. To know I was right about it being more than "just friends". Should this be important to me? I just feel like I want the confirmation.

With his abuse, infidelity, and him making me out to be a fool, I want to call him out. Is this possible with a narcissist? They say when confronted with evidence, they will confess at least some.

I just want there to be some fact, so that I myself know that I did not just give up without reason.

I know I need to get back to IC,, I am not dealing with this very well on my own.
 
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#46 ·
Yes I went to the reunion,, alone.. had a great time. Sat with other "singles" ( most of them married, just the H's didn't want to come)...

He called me a few days ago,,, started wanting a bunch of answers: "do I want divorce, what will divorce solve, do I want to date other people,, etc."

Thanks to Conrad, I was able to tell him, " I am not comfortable answering your questions",,,

Then since my counselor advised me to do a 30 day "blackout" from him,, I haven't talked to him at all..

He finally got an apartment today.. he'd been staying in a hotel on his days off the road... with hope of coming home.. took him 6 1/2 months to finally figure, it wasn't gonna happen.
 
#53 ·
Another step "outside the box" for me..

I am going to my works' awards banquet by myself tomorrow.. I will be receiving my award for 25 years with them.

STBXH wanted, pleaded to let him take me....but I told him no.
I told him that this is a step for me in my self esteem and independence.. normally I would not be able to go to something like this by myself,,
I know I will be nervous...but I am doing it.

It's an hour and a half drive each way.. which now I look forward to. I couldn't imagine riding with him all that way there and back, and him not wanting to talk about us, trying to talk me into getting back with him.. so I am keeping my distance.
 
#54 ·
Another step "outside the box" for me..

I am going to my works' awards banquet by myself tomorrow.. I will be receiving my award for 25 years with them.

STBXH wanted, pleaded to let him take me....but I told him no.
I told him that this is a step for me in my self esteem and independence.. normally I would not be able to go to something like this by myself,,
I know I will be nervous...but I am doing it.

It's an hour and a half drive each way.. which now I look forward to. I couldn't imagine riding with him all that way there and back, and him not wanting to talk about us, trying to talk me into getting back with him.. so I am keeping my distance.
Very proud of you Numb!!

You did great. Very strong and positive steps for a new you!

May I suggest turning off the ringer on your phone (or even turning it completely off) on the way out.

Don't let any calls ruin your experience!

My only suggestion out of all of this, is what I made visible in the quote. He doesn't deserve or require an explanation from you.

If your answer is no, that's all you need to say.

:) :smthumbup:
 
#56 ·
Do not sell yourself short.

I know your story, what you've been through.

All the lies, everything else he has done (no point in bringing it all back up now, that's in your rear view now!).

You're right, you told him the direction you are going in.

So telling him in a sense was good for you. Therapeutic.

Try to remember this though, the more you say, the more opportunities he will have to use what you say against you.

Once a person becomes desperate enough (which he shows signs of by begging to take you .. to YOUR event after everything that's happened) they will try so hard to knock you down to there level.

Like I said though, don't sell yourself short!

You did great! :woohoo:
 
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