Ok, some problems I see here....
Quote:
|
I did everything I could to keep her interested, I complemented her often, sometimes saying sweet things like you look gorgeous in that dress, and sometimes saying naughty things like your ass looks great in those jeans. Just trying to make her feel desired.
|
Good....but you can't go overboard with it.
Quote:
|
I worked long hours away from home to pay off her car and student loans this year, I sacrificed all of my hobbies, my Corvette and my Diesel truck so that we could have money to buy the house she wanted.
|
In and of itself, not bad being a dedicated family man. BUT, what have you replaced these things with? What kind of inexpensive hobbies that get you out of the house, and in things you're interested in outside of the marriage? I can see sacraficing expensive hobbies for the betterement of the overall marriage, but not sacraficing of all hobbies.
Quote:
|
Not only do I do everything I can to provide for her and our son, but I do more then my share of housework, and not because I expect sex for it, but because I appreciate her taking care of our son. I cook dinner every day, I do all the household cleaning, the only exception being laundry.
|
Well, what is she doing? Does she work outside the home too? If not, stop that crap. You should do your share of the housework, yes. But you're not her maid and butler all wrapped into one. Especially when she does not appreciate it. She's not going to respect her maid or find the butler attractive.
Quote:
|
She claims to be self conscious about her looks since having our son, which I know is somewhat common, from what Ive read in my fatherhood books. I constantly feed her compliments telling her anything from your looking beautiful today, to saying things like you are so hot I wanna *&%$ you right now. I try everything from naughty to nice because I don't have a clue what she wants to hear anymore.
|
Stop giving compliments when she won't give you the most basic of considerations. Don't offer them up. Pull back. If she asks "do I look good?", then yes, tell her she does. Stop offering it up at every instance. Make her ask sometimes. Stop "feeding" her compliments. She's choking on them. They are just so much "bla, bla, bla now and have no meaning.
Quote:
|
I have tried talking to her and asking if she is not attracted to me anymore.
|
Uhm, OUCH. And, NO! Do not ask a female if she's not attracted to you anymore. EVER. NEVER. NO WAY. You need to be confident, and know you're attractive. If you're not (you've gotten fat, dumb, and happy), then correct that. Don't ask her to reassure you about your worth or attractiveness. That is a weakness she'll not respect. And if and when she does compliment you the correct answer is "thanks babe". And that's IT. None of this, "aww, come on babe, you're joking", or "babe, maybe you better get your eyes checked". Self depreciating humor is fine every now and then. But if she feels YOU feel you're not attractive, how do you think that's going to make her feel about you?
When a woman gives you a compliment, you accept it and say thank you. Or maybe "I appreciate you see that in me very much" or something like that. And then drop it.
A confident man attracts women. A confident man does not ask for reassurances about his self worth from a woman. A lot of guys start out good, but fall into that trap after they've reached a certain comfort level with a woman. Don't do it. It's ok to be vulnerable about certain, emotional things. But never about your self worth, value, or self image.
Quote:
|
so I ask her to tell me what I need to do to turn her on. She gives me suggestions but when I try them she still pushes me away or just lies there limp.
|
She has no clue what she wants you to do to turn her on. That's why she's telling you chit that isn't working. She wants to THINK she wants you to compliment her and kiss her azz all the time. That's not what she wants. She wants a man that she has to work to keep. EVERY woman wants that. And you're not making her work for anything. She does not want a man that fawns all over her despite the fact she's treating him like chit.
Quote:
|
After she sat there for about twenty minutes looking at my penis and procrastinating, she went down, took one lick then came back up and asked if she could just give me a hj or something. I just told her nevermind, nothing is more of a turn off then being rejected.
|
The correct thing to do when she finally went down there would be to pull her back up and say "no". When she looks at you with shocked suprise and says "what?!", just say "no" again. When she asks you to explain, just tell her "I don't think I need to explain anything, I just don't want that from you right now".
Do that, and I'll bet you a thousand bucks right now you aren't waiting until your next birthday for a freakin' blowjob. And when you get it, my bet is it won't be some half azzed effort yet again.
Really, you're going to sacrafice your self respect over one blowjob a year?!!!! Christ man, what's the damn difference between one a year, and none a year? That's right, ONE. Is that worth your self respect? It isn't mine...
NEVER sacrafice your self respect to get sex from a woman. Not only does it never work, it is the surest way to get even less from her.
Quote:
|
she often speaks of past sexual partners, which I don't like to know about but whatever, its her past I don't own it. But what I don't like is knowing that she has done all these things with other guys but yet she wont even let me see her naked anymore. She tells of letting guys do her anal, giving guys blowjobs in there car/hot tub etc and I can't even get a blowjob on our bed on my birthday.
|
You're being "tested" and failing miserably at every turn. That is a BLATANT and OUTRIGHT show of disrespect to you. And you're allowing it. Now, if you had the kind of open, communicative relationship where that kind of talk is fine, then so be it. But when she's telling you these things about what she's done with other men, all the while refusing to do anything with you, well dude, you just got b!tch slapped by your wife with some other man's schlong. And you're taking it.
I haven't read it, but many here suggest the "married man sex life" book. Might be a good place to start.
