Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

Bronco19 · 08-08-2012, 09:27 PM

New poster here, thank you all for posting your stories, they have been extremely helpful, knowing we are not alone, that so many others are facing very similar ordeals.

Very similar to many other stories, walk-away-wife decided she wanted to separate for the first time after 10 years of marriage and moved out two months ago. Just before the separation we argued nonstop about why she wouldn’t try at all to save this marriage, she went to two MC sessions, one with me, one on her own and she was done. Her explanation is “she is done” she doesn’t love me anymore, I feel like a friend not a husband, she’s not attracted to me as a spouse. No kids but I am still completely devastated. Classic Mr. Nice Guy, read the book and implementing changes. Also have implemented 180 degrees over the past two months, which as the name suggests, is exactly the opposite of what I want to do; I won’t repeat what everyone else has said but it is extremely difficult not to fight for your best friend and the love of your life. I still see the MC every week, she has been terrific.

All contact has been initiated by wife, including our first substantive talk in two months. She said she has not changed her mind, happy with her decision, happy with her life. I held true to 180, did not argue or grovel, even though it felt awful to hear, and responded that the separation was good to work on ourselves, which I’m doing through MC. The problem with 180 is that it is exactly what she wants, we are getting further and further removed and apart making it more difficult to have any chance to reconnect. She hasn’t asked for divorce but given how happy she is by herself asking for a divorce is the next step.

She wants off the mortgage but the only way to do that in our state is to file for divorce. So I need to decide if I have the stomach to take control of this situation and tell her we need to file for divorce to get her off the mortgage. Otherwise I just passively wait for her to ask me about how we get her off the mortgage, which puts her is control again.

She also just asked if I wanted to go to dinner with her for my birthday but I’m thinking to say no; I’m already sad enough about this whole situation, as much as I miss her and love her, I don’t need her sitting across from me on my birthday telling me she still has no feelings for me. Thoughts? Perspectives?

08-08-2012, 09:27 PM	#1 (permalink)
Bronco19 Registered User Join Date: Aug 2012 Posts: 10	Classic WAW New poster here, thank you all for posting your stories, they have been extremely helpful, knowing we are not alone, that so many others are facing very similar ordeals. Very similar to many other stories, walk-away-wife decided she wanted to separate for the first time after 10 years of marriage and moved out two months ago. Just before the separation we argued nonstop about why she wouldn’t try at all to save this marriage, she went to two MC sessions, one with me, one on her own and she was done. Her explanation is “she is done” she doesn’t love me anymore, I feel like a friend not a husband, she’s not attracted to me as a spouse. No kids but I am still completely devastated. Classic Mr. Nice Guy, read the book and implementing changes. Also have implemented 180 degrees over the past two months, which as the name suggests, is exactly the opposite of what I want to do; I won’t repeat what everyone else has said but it is extremely difficult not to fight for your best friend and the love of your life. I still see the MC every week, she has been terrific. All contact has been initiated by wife, including our first substantive talk in two months. She said she has not changed her mind, happy with her decision, happy with her life. I held true to 180, did not argue or grovel, even though it felt awful to hear, and responded that the separation was good to work on ourselves, which I’m doing through MC. The problem with 180 is that it is exactly what she wants, we are getting further and further removed and apart making it more difficult to have any chance to reconnect. She hasn’t asked for divorce but given how happy she is by herself asking for a divorce is the next step. She wants off the mortgage but the only way to do that in our state is to file for divorce. So I need to decide if I have the stomach to take control of this situation and tell her we need to file for divorce to get her off the mortgage. Otherwise I just passively wait for her to ask me about how we get her off the mortgage, which puts her is control again. She also just asked if I wanted to go to dinner with her for my birthday but I’m thinking to say no; I’m already sad enough about this whole situation, as much as I miss her and love her, I don’t need her sitting across from me on my birthday telling me she still has no feelings for me. Thoughts? Perspectives?