Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - One year out from husband's EA. How did others find things then?

tobio · 08-09-2012, 02:53 AM

Well we are actually a little over a year past my now husband's EA. Short story is he met this girl at work, she gave him the massive come-on over a month or so, contact outside of work, the kiss, broken NC and he "didn't know how he felt anymore" (after having a baby five months prior.) I kicked him out after catching him texting her a month after, he moved back in and we undertook counselling and lots of heartache.

Our reconciliation was bumpy but we got there. We decided to get married (we had been engaged when it happened) a year later.

It's not the end of the journey. I think it's a work in progress. On my part I do feel what happened was a massive ****-up but I do believe he didn't see it coming and saw her as an escape from a very stressful life for a while. He is mortified by how he behaved looking back.

He has worked to rebuild trust. There's been some rough moments where he was selfish and didn't really comprehend how his behaviour was feeding into my feelings of concern but it really has been a learning curve for him rather than an instantaneous realisation.

On my part I have picked up on things *I* can work on. That has actually helped improve my life and give me some focus.

I suppose my main realisation is that forgiveness does not equal an instant "everything is okay now." Even now I still have moments or get upset and he comforts me. I still have to ask him to do things to help me feel better in certain situations. I AM a different person and I simultaneously resent that but feel better too. Hard to explain.

What about everyone else at a year out?

08-09-2012, 02:53 AM	#1 (permalink)
tobio Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: UK Posts: 777	One year out from husband's EA. How did others find things then? Well we are actually a little over a year past my now husband's EA. Short story is he met this girl at work, she gave him the massive come-on over a month or so, contact outside of work, the kiss, broken NC and he "didn't know how he felt anymore" (after having a baby five months prior.) I kicked him out after catching him texting her a month after, he moved back in and we undertook counselling and lots of heartache. Our reconciliation was bumpy but we got there. We decided to get married (we had been engaged when it happened) a year later. It's not the end of the journey. I think it's a work in progress. On my part I do feel what happened was a massive ***-up but I do believe he didn't see it coming and saw her as an escape from a very stressful life for a while. He is mortified by how he behaved looking back. He has worked to rebuild trust. There's been some rough moments where he was selfish and didn't really comprehend how his behaviour was feeding into my feelings of concern but it really has been a learning curve for him rather than an instantaneous realisation. On my part I have picked up on things I* can work on. That has actually helped improve my life and give me some focus. I suppose my main realisation is that forgiveness does not equal an instant "everything is okay now." Even now I still have moments or get upset and he comforts me. I still have to ask him to do things to help me feel better in certain situations. I AM a different person and I simultaneously resent that but feel better too. Hard to explain. What about everyone else at a year out?