morris

My wife and I have been together almost 20 years married 10. We have been a bit up and down in the last couple years. Then on June 6, my wife tells me she loves me but not in love with me. I knew something was going on in the last couple months because she would hold on to her phone like mother goose with a golden egg. And she was miserable. So I checked the phone bill and saw texts to a number I didn't know. I called the number and and voice mail gave me his name, turns out I meet him at my mother’s wake, my mom died two week before that, he came with the people she works with. So I confronted her about it right away and she admitted that she had been texting back and forth with this man for two months. 25 messages on June 5 the day before she told me, and over 175 total. My first instinct was to leave. I was so hurt, and so pissed I couldn't even look at her. I asked her if she ever met up with him and she said no. It was only texting and nothing sexual, just a little flirting. He by the way is married with children. Before all this happened she joined a Gym she leaves the house at 4:30 every morning and gets up at 3:10 she lost about 20 lbs and looks good I think he told her everything she wanted to hear.

Now, I have read some other posts on here so I know what a lot of people say about the emotional affairs and such. And I know a lot of people will say b.s. she's met up with him at some point. I don't know if this was an emotional affair, but I'll tell you, it hurts almost as bad as if she was sleeping with him. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive about it. From calming down a little and talking with her I am 95% sure that I found out before it went past texting (I checked phone records, facebook, and no phone calls or facebook messages were made, just texts that I can see). She thinks she did nothing wrong and I should drop it. I explained to her that she had broken the trust between us, and how do I know that I could believe her now. I'm so confused. My anxiety is through the roof right now.


So after thinking about it for day and getting over my initial rage about it, I told her calmly yesterday that first, all contact with this guy was to stop right away or I was gone. And I told her that if our marriage was going to work we needed no more secrets between us. Also, I told her that I did not want to share her with anyone else, emotionally or physically. End of story. She says she wants to stay in our marriage and try to get her feelings back for me. What Do you guys think I did the right thing? I am still feeling really wounded by this. Any other opinions/suggestions?